Since he hasn't been taking care of himself AT ALL (hard to look like the victim when your living it up), he hasn't eaten a bite in two days. He decide it would be a good idea to start downing margaritas, even though he's supposed to be in AA. This leads to him being so drunk that he passed out while sitting on the edge of the pool, going face first into the water, having to be pulled out the pool by 3 grown men, be resuscitated by the lifeguards while the paramedics arrived and taken to the hospital. All of this happened in full view of his 8 year old son! He ended up with a blood alcohol level of 0.24 and remembers absolutely nothing. My stepson unfortunately will never be able to forget it!
So instead of a much needed break from his crap, I got a ridiculous dose of it tonight. I spent a good portion of the evening on the phone with my stepson's mother, deciding what will be best for him. He is supposed to be with us for 3 more weeks, but instead will be going home tomorrow. WH is obviously in downward spiral, and my stepson doesn't need to be around him to watch it happen.
WH is sleeping it off at a friend's house tonight. My daughter doesn't even know anything happened (thankfully). I will be going to see a lawyer Monday and see if I can do some type of emergency sole custody. I don't think WH has hit rock bottom yet, but he is not going to have my daughter with him when he does! After all, he got himself committed for a suicide letter after the first D-Day!
He's definitely making my decision easier...
[This message edited by betrayednewmommy at 7:50 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]
So sorry that this is happening to you and the kids.
Don't have any specific advice, but hang in there!
Let us know how things are going.
Your WH is a grown adult. You are not his caretaker. When you see the lawyer about custody, also ask about your own rights and protection. You do not need an addict who is spiraling down in your home or life. Good luck.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
Good luck with getting sole custody for now. It sounds as if you certainly have the case for it.
I am glad that you are being practical about this and not expending your energy on worrying about fixing him, but it is still not easy to have to deal with this.
Thank goodness that you're going to see a lawyer on Monday. Talk to the lawyer about sole possession of your DD, only supervised visits, sole use of the house (so he can't legally come back), child support, spousal support the whole enchilada. If you haven't changed the locks on the doors, tomorrow is a good time to do so. And get that police/hospital report for your files.
(((hugs))) Thank you so much for getting your DSS out of there. That poor child. I'm betting his mother will be wanting a copy of that hospital/police report too, to limit his contact with the son until and if your WH get's his head pulled out of his ass.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I second norabird's suggestion for Al-Anon meetings. There is something very powerful about knowing you're not the only one to deal with this type of crap. They will be more familiar with how his alcoholism will effect custody issues in your jurisdiction, and how to talk to your DD about when "Daddy drinks" and how to keep her safe.
My STBXH is SA and I have FOO issues with Alcoholics. My personal opinion is, Run, run as fast as you can. Addicts fall off the wagon, so it isn't an excuse, it's a guarantee it'll happen again.
Keep us posted and keep to your plan. Read up on Hoovering and look out for the inevitable attempts to suck you back in.
"FOREVER IN LOVE" lasts only 14 years.
My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23
WH has now gotten a box of his things and is no longer welcome in my house. Since I had to collect his belongings after the paramedics left with him, I simply removed his house key before he got his keys back. He will be staying at a friend's house for now.
DD has asked a few questions. I've answered them as simply and honestly as I could. When she asks to see her daddy, I'll have to figure that out, but not until then.
DSS did see his father briefly today before he goes home at the strong recommendation of my counselor friend (who also supervised the visit). It helped DSS tremendously with his emotions surrounding this awful situation.
I got in touch with my manager already and will be taking the day off tomorrow to start taking care of things. Need to definitely get a lawyer. Take care of things with the bank. Other things that I should probably be writing down when I think of them...
[This message edited by betrayednewmommy at 12:51 PM, July 14th (Monday)]
That is a lot of making up for you.
My thoughts for you are simple, you owe it to your children (if you love them, and I know you do) to move forward without him.
Gods best, Step.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)
OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious