We've been separated 2 months. Recently we have been talking and I brought up trying to move back to our old town together. He seemed happy about the idea. (He is there living with his mother) He went and saw two places I found online, met with the owners, but they both decided to rent out to other people.
Yesterday I told him I found another place I thought would be a good rental for us. He saw the listing and agreed, said he would drive by that night after he went to a show. He never did, stayed out drinking till 4am again instead.
Today he called and I missed it because I was in the mountains and out of range. I called him back and he didn't answer. Decided to only text me hours later that he missed my call and was hanging out with friends. I felt pissed because here I am, trying to make things work, trying to make an effort to save our marriage, telling him I will quit my job and move back in with him, and he can't bother calling me back, only a text hours later? Is that crazy of me to be upset?
I called and was upset, acted sarcastic with him, like he didn't have one second to make a freakin phone call. He immediately gets defensive now, saying he doesn't need this shit, I'm giving him shit all because he didn't have a chance to drive by a place. He's making me feel like I'm a lunatic, mean to him, unnecessarily demanding. Like I don't get to have any say in what he does (we're still married!), or feel upset or hurt in anyway if his actions upset me.
He kept asking me for the open house info. I told him I gave it to him already. But that if he doesn't want to explore it I can just find a place of my own. To that he said 'ok, I won't stand in your way'. It makes me feel like I am disposable. Doesn't really matter to him if it works out or not. His life will go on. He has a billion friends, lots of attention, doesn't need me. He's famous, I'm shit. I'm nothing without him.
I tell him have a nice life and hang up. But of course I call right back, numerous times until he answers again. Man I am pathetic. No wonder he has no respect for me, I have no respect for myself. No self worth anymore. I feel like my soul is being crushed, is already crushed.
[This message edited by alleyk at 2:43 AM, July 13th (Sunday)]