Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD
There are many reasons why the WS says they are not in love, what they mean is that they dont "Feel" emotional love. Some people think they need to feel that hard to get away from attraction. Others like you or me perhaps know that Love is a choice it is a decision.
Loving someone unconditionally does not come with butterflies in your stomach and 100 of text messages everyday. It is a mature love, it is an AGAPE love. It is a "will take a bullet for you love"
The puppy love, my WS and your WS want to feel is the stuff kids feel in highschool...
It is an addicting feeling and they love it and seek it out. My WW will not go NC as she is addicted to feeling the puppy love feelings. But what are feelings anyway...well they are chemicals. So the puppy love is nothing less than a chemical addiction formed in someone who is emotionally underdeveloped.
It is hard to not take it personanally when the WS says, I am not i love with you but in love with the AP, but the AP is fooled too, like our WS, they are chemically addicted. I no longer feel sorry for myself, but feel sorry for her.
You should feel sorry for him. He is the loser. Cheaters never win and winners never cheat, its not cliche, its true.
You are the winner. Good luck, stay strong, you will get through this and if you keep your mind sharp, you will come out of it better stronger and more capable of loving someone (him or someone else) better than before as you are (We are) going throught an equipping period in our life.. Built up, not torn down.
Agape (love) to you!
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)