I guess it's a constructive separation, I've enjoyed more peaceful dialogue with wh, and some good times too. I'm still so aware that he can lie to me way too easily. He has some serious issues to sort out.
Any advice for the loneliness and uncertainty? I'm glad I took this step for my own dignity, but it has me feeling at a loss. I could perhaps be using the time to gain clarity on what are my dealbreakers, and what issues of my own have kept me here, but sometimes I feel like I am floating in a huge space without enough to carry me through. And of course wondering if R will be possible...would love any advice.
But, the uncertainty is tough and there's not much to do about that except know that no decisions have to be made right now, so try not to worry about that yet. Hang in there.
This way, you don't have to see or talk to him on a daily basis and you can figure out how you feel about that. Do a few things that he doesn't like to do but you do. Take this time and try to make yourself happy in small ways as you think about things.
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
For example, I've really doubted myself, and tend to discount my feelings, intellectualizing them out of existence. I haven't insisted on very clear boundaries, because I have always felt guilty since he wanted to be doing something else by having one-on-one time with female friends. I tolerated bad treatment, despite trying to show signs of resistance. When the resistance didn't work, I just came up with another way to try to fix everything.
I will say that it did my dignity a whole lot of good separating. Because we were caregivers there just wasn't much time to deal with all of the emotions and the aftermath of anything. We'll see what comes, and if my husband can rise to the challenge.
The reality is, R doesn't "happen." It is a process worked at by two partners. If only one is doing the work, it won't happen. While you do need to work on yourself, what work is your spouse doing on himself? Is he in therapy? Anger management? Reading about how to help you heal? If he isn't doing any of those things, then I think the answer to your question is, "no." Can you get ok with that?