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User Topic: They say time heals
strawblond30
♀ 6263
Member # 6263
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They say time heals all wounds. I'm not do sure I believe that. I think some wounds go too deep , and they fester . No matter what you do they mark you , scar you . Some things just won't go away , no matter how far you run.


Me 39, EX H 40 married 17 years infidelity on both parts . He a serial cheater. I cheated for revenge and ran home to brag. Or make Him mad. He confessed to more affairs after that. We are now divorced living apart . 3 children

Posts: 969 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: illinois
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time can help heal, but it's what you choose to do with the time that helps healing so much more. If a wound is festering, get help. Don't let it poison you.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Losttransport
♀ 39409
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is part of one of my favorite quotes by Rose Kennedy:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

But doesn't that happen with all wounds? The scar remains. But I can live with that. I'm strong. Today, I'm strong.


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 97 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
fireproof
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think like anything it is more about letting go and accepting because what other choice do we have?

Overtime you let go especially with the OW or OM there is a justice of some sort. You if you give yourself the opportunity simply get busy with your new life.

It is like a dress you saw in the window and someone else bought it - it is gone but overtime you think of it but the thoughts lessen to make room for other dresses.

Hang in there and don't pressure yourself. No one until they are in your situation would know what they would really do.


Posts: 1108 | Registered: Jul 2012
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know about healing. But time is wonderful. The more you have of it, the more you can see what you have and can do without the wound or the wound giver.

Does it still smart after all this time? Sometimes. If I pick at the memory and focus on the parts of it that hurt so much.

There are other things between me and the hurt though. And those years, and survival moments are a buffer.

Time is something that can't be gotten any way but patience. But from where I am now? It feels like healing.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5938 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
wonderingbull
♂ 14833
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I'd be in a hole forever but I came out of it... I'm not saying it's all perfect but it's pretty damn good...

My mottos have been "chin up eyes forward" at the beginning...
"I can do this" in the middle
"Alright, this is excellent and what isn't excellent is pretty damn fun" on the other side...

I simply got to the point where I couldn't waste anymore time on what had been done to me... I had to focus on what I can do for me...

One thing I can't make more of in my life is time... None of us can... I now live with one motto....

"The fuse is burning".... what am I going to do with the fuse I have left?

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 6004 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
asurvivor
♂ 32368
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It looks from your profile that you have been suffering for 9 years. This post has saddened me. I am so sorry and truly hope that you can find some peace.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 587 | Registered: Jun 2011
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always said that I don't believe we ever really get over it. I think we learn to live with it, but it's always there. I'm pretty sure the right circumstances could break through my barrier and bring me sobbing to my knees even now, 4 years later.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
I completely agree with this.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 1:28 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Embers2Fire
♀ 25557
Member # 25557
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time can help heal, but it's what you choose to do with the time that helps healing so much more. If a wound is festering, get help. Don't let it poison you.

I agree with inconnu. Although time helps we must be committed and determined to heal ourselves as well. I was not going to allow XWH to steal my future as well as my past. As far as I was concerned he had stolen more than enough from me. Even when I wanted to hide from the world and just die I made myself get up and get dressed and go out to activities I once enjoyed. Fake it till you make it, you might be surprised that in the end you may have actually had fun. I made it my mission to find myself again, I did it for myself, for my sons and for the many people who dearly loved me. In whose eyes I could see the hurt and pain, my pain was causing them.

Join meetup groups, get involved in volunteer groups do what ever it takes to spend as little time as possible dwelling on this pain. One day you may look up and realize you have not cried in a few months and then it could be a year, and so on. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain your in, we all do here. One day at a time, one step at a time you can reclaim your life and your happiness, just keep moving forward. ((((hugs)))))


BS - me 49
XWH - him 48
DDay 05/08
Married 25 yrs, 2 sons 28/23
Divorced
2nd Marriage 11/1/13 livng the dream

God has breathed new life into me fanning my fading Embers into a brightly burning Fire.


Posts: 424 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Land of the healed and home of the grateful
libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 2 1/2 years since I had proof of my ex's infidelities. I still tell him he ruined our lives. I have so much anger, I cannot stand the sight of him. I wish I would never see him again for the rest of my life. But, I know that will never happen.

Time just makes it easier to cope with.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I prefer its sister saying "Time wounds all heels".

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 1:08 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7518 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Lostly
43953
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi strawblond30,

I just read through you profile and I can feel your pain. It hasn't been that long and and it sounds like you lived many years very unhappy. It takes its toll. Pain demands its price.

I think I agree with everyone depending on the day. Yesterday & today I'm kinda in a funk, and really feel that you're right. For me time has just taken away the intensity.

My marriage left me stripped of who I was and as a result I am in the process of defining a new self. Some days I am excited about the process, other days I am resentful as hell. Today I am just sad.

Either way the scars still remain and become a part of who we are, and in that sense they are never gone.


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 108 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These are my thoughts (and one of my tag lines)

My scars are pretty deep and will remind me of my ordeal for a long time, but they have healed over and are no longer a threat to my existence.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20553 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do heal. You are left with a scar and for many, the more you move forward the less it hurts. I compare A's and the associated shitstorms to having a broken leg. Some of us got compound fractures, some had hairline fractures, some had bones sticking through the skin. We all got patched up and had to go through rehab. It's painful as hell and we have scars to varying degrees. Eventually we are able to walk again. Some of us needed wheelchairs for awhile or maybe crutches or canes. Some could run faster than others while some never run again but are okay with walking. Some still ache when the weather changes. Some of us toughed it out without pain killers and some needed drugs to dull the pain. Eventually we all healed it just took varying amounts of time and we ALL have scars that on occasion ache or remind us of the pain we went through.

Some of us like me had fractures so bad that we chose to amputate the leg to recover faster. If I didn't amputate that broken leg it might get gangrene, fester, and rot. That infection that invaded my spirit left me angry and was killing me slowly over time. Sometimes we try to save the leg and the chronic pain is so much that we eventually have no choice but to amputate even after trying to deal with it for so long. Well I didn't amputate immediately but when the pain became chronic and wouldn't go away I pulled the damn chainsaw out and cut it off myself.

It takes some of us a bit of time to realize that this is/was a dealbreaker and if it is that is a perfectly acceptable option.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:56 AM, July 18th (Friday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some still ache when the weather changes.

Yes.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17788 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am scarred for life but those scars give me character and hold stories that enrich my life. It's not the wounding that enriches me, I could have lived without that, it's the overcoming of the pain and dysfunction that has strengthened me and made me more brave and self assured even.

I am 6 years out and have pursued healing every step of the way. Yet I still hurt, and I think I always will. I just don't let it get in my way of a joyful fulfilled life so much. It does get in the way sometimes, but not totally.

I don't believe I will heal so that it was like it never happened though, do don't think that just because you still hurt sometimes that you are a failure at healing.


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Topic Posts: 16

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