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Newest Member: losang88 (46970)

User Topic: WW's Sex Tape Reason to Not Tell OM's Wife?
♂ 44007
Member # 44007
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been several years since my D-day, and I've seen lots of advice to tell the OP's spouse.

I have not done that, for one (perhaps cowardly) reason: he has XXX video footage of my WW. She told me initially that it was just her alone, and it didn't show her face. After several cycles of TT, she revealed that there was a lot more activity in the footage, and it had her face but not the OM's face.

My big fear with this is my kids. My nightmare is having a friend of my son saying, "Hey, look at this video! Is that your mom?"

What do you all think?

I believe; help my unbelief!

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014
♂ 40392
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be letting the man's wife know what's up immediately. For all you know he's shown this video to all of his buddies. Guys like that get off thinking about their conquest. If you don't want your children watching it one day then expose this son of a bitch. He's been thinking all this time he's gotten away with it and has a trophy too. Beside that the man's wife deserve to know about the piece of shit she's living with.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 640 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His wife needs to know.

I understand that fear and you're justified in your thinking. You have every right to protect your children. Before you tell his wife I would also see a lawyer and have a letter drawn up stating that he is to turn over every copy of the video and if he "leaks" it to anyone or anywhere you'll take him to court and/or have his ass arrested.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My big fear with this is my kids. My nightmare is having a friend of my son saying, "Hey, look at this video! Is that your mom?"
Many states are now enacted laws against the revenge posting of pictures and videos. In Colorado, they arrested some guy for posting naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend. And the charges against this guy are no laughing matter either.

You might check into your state laws. The law in Colorado just went into effect and this guy is the first to be arrested.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 8:22 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]

Posts: 4987 | Registered: Jun 2002
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My big fear with this is my kids. My nightmare is having a friend of my son saying, "Hey, look at this video! Is that your mom?"

What do you all think?

I think if was gonna post it somewhere he already has.

I still occasionally worry about the same thing, but it's out of my hands, been out of my hands for many years, and I've borrowed enough trouble.

"He didn't say "That's weird." He wouldn't have said "That's weird" if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins. It wasn't the sort of thing a responsible engineer said." - Good Omens

Posts: 7779 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand protecting your kids from repercussions by OM.

But are you really protecting them? He might have already have posted it someplace. You're (you and WW) leaving him in control of something potentially dangerous to your children. You're also trusting him to do the right thing and not upload it someplace where your kids could find it. If he were trustworthy he wouldn't be having an affair, making sex videos with another man's wife while married!

The only way to make sure it isn't leaked is for you to make sure it's destroyed. Legal ramifications will help.

Good luck!

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6023 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, Scammed, what an awful list on your profile. ((Scammed)) Have you considered that what she has told you about the video is not true - that she is saying those things to protect OP? I agree with others here - tell the spouse.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others. Time to let the cat out of the bag but do it wisely. Protect the rights to that video and make sure that the BS knows who her husband really is. She has a right to know.

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
♀ 38562
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A small, tangential thought about protecting your children:

Talk to them about porn!
It's hard, but be courageous.

Explain that a lot of what is out there is coerced from young women who have been told they will be "models", homeless / "disposable" street kids given food-shelter-drugs-attention, trafficked women & children (less from grown men, but yes, them too), as well as stuff stolen from people like your WW.**

Please, please, please, teach your kids there's a lot more to these images than just sex. There's abuse of power and money, drugs, threats to tell loved ones - unsavory things they don't want to be in the loop with.

No need to mention Mom. It's d*mned unlikely they would ever see her... I reckon the chances are one in millions.

You'll be doing your kids AND exploited people a HUGE favor.

** Yes, I understand that not all porn is made this way, but I'm betting a lot of the free and cheap stuff is. Ethics and quality production costs money and bad people are not in it for the art.

It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 431 | Registered: Feb 2013
♂ 29907
Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a horrible possibility. Still, sharing that video would be illegal in many states. He could get in serious hot water.

My DDay was 7 years ago. I was told OM's wife was mentally ill. There was no way I knew to verify that and I didn't want to harm another innocent person (they divorced so the mental illness was probably a lie). I do regret not informing her.

Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 469 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
♂ 28618
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The BS needs to know.

Posts: 374 | Registered: May 2010
♂ 44007
Member # 44007
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your advice. I have decided to tell the OM's wife.

I believe; help my unbelief!

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are making a good and respectable choice, Scammed. Please keep us posted on how things go.

“When we protect ourselves so we won't feel pain, that protection becomes like armor, like armor that imprisons the softness of of the heart.” ― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 10405 | Registered: Dec 2010
♂ 44007
Member # 44007
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told the OM's wife about her husband's relationship with my WW. You'll be shocked, shocked to find out she knew of multiple affairs he had had, but not this one that lasted almost a decade.

This news was a cannonball to the gut for her, but we ended up meeting face to face. She was quite open about her struggles with her WH. And at the end of our conversation, she had a request: she wanted to meet face-to-face with my WW.

I told her that even though my WW owed her a face-to-face conversation, and so much more, there was no way she would do that. My WW has a strong love of personal comfort and hates open conflict (which is part of the reason she would love nothing more than to have me forever drop the subject of her infidelity). I did tell her I'd ask the WW, thinking this would be just a formality.

However, the WW actually agreed to meet her. So we met at a coffee shop and started an incredibly awkward encounter. Thankfully, the OM's wife didn't scratch my WW's eyes out or disembowel her on the spot, but she mainly wanted to know why the affair occurred. My WW explained multiple times that flirting gradually turned into heavy flirting, and that turned into a PA. And the WW emphasized that the cheaters were the only people at fault, and their spouses did nothing to deserve the pain they have. And my WW repeatedly apologized for her actions, and acknowledged that saying "Sorry" doesn't alleviate the damage. The three of us had this conversation for more than an hour.

It turns out that the guy my WW saw as an alpha male has fallen a few letters down the Greek alphabet. The stud with the six-pack has turned into a dud with a spare tire, and the life of the party now lives with his parents, keeps getting fired from his jobs, and needs rehab. And, oh by the way, his addiction and treatment of his wife has led his teenage children to openly call him a loser to their friends.

And that was when the meeting turned surreal.

The OM's wife grabbed my WW's hand, cried more, looked her in the eyes and said, "I forgive you." (After more than five years since D-day, I myself have never uttered the words "I forgive you" to the WW.) And she added, "You need to fight for your husband. You don't deserve him."

As a bonus, the OM called, and his wife decided to talk to him. And she got to tell him, "Guess who I'm having coffee with right now! Your girlfriend of nine years and her husband!" He spent the next five minutes swearing it was all lies and he had never done anything with my WW. And he spent another ten minutes proclaiming it was all my WW's fault.

My WW has a long, long way to go if she wants to be anything but a temporary live-in nanny that I sleep with. But I cannot deny that when she actually met the OM's wife, she showed a lot of courage. Maybe this can be a turning point.

I believe; help my unbelief!

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's late, so I wrote a reply that wasn't relevant.

Sounds like it went very well.

So many times i spot unremorseful behavior here and try to point it out, but I think your WW did great, owning her responsibilities for her actions, letting the BW know it wasn't her fault, etc. It sounds like she's done some growing and working on herself.. Must say I'm proud her

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 11:27 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven

Posts: 2804 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that the exposure is over be prepared for the OM to go on a revenge rampage. Its obvious he's a dickhead loser. And being that he has videos it gives him a bit of leverage. Personally I'd lawyer up now and be prepared should he take the tape public. If he does all you can do is fight back legally. As Uthred said he most likely has shown it to his buddies and uses it to boast about his conquests. Being that his life is in a downward spiral he most likely will want payback for informing his BS. The good news is that it will be fairly easy to finish him off now that he is going down the shitter. As for your WW its just another consequence of her piss poor choices in life. She has to live with the drama she herself created. Protect your kids as best you can brother. Now that you have informed OM BS turn your attention back to your WW. She is the one betrayed and broke vows to you. Its all too easy to concentrate your attention and anger on the OP instead of where it belongs, and that's with your WS.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6113 | Registered: Nov 2007
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I bet all of that was extremely satisfying.

Oh to be sitting at the next table when all that went down. Hah! The OM's wife sounds frankly amazing. I hope your wife takes her words to heart and fights like hell for your marriage.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 7177 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Topic Posts: 17

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