SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

JanaGreen posted 7/14/2014 11:36 AM

A while back, my therapist told me that it would be a good idea to reclaim the city where my H had his drunk ONS with the escort (July 2010).

Last year was our tenth anniversary but my H was having serious back issues (badly herniated disc) so we didn't do much to celebrate. He just asked me what I wanted to do for our anniversary and after I jokingly told him Bora Bora Bora, I realized that the city where he had the ONS is a close drive and would probably be a good choice for a quick weekend getaway.

I don't know if it would be too triggery. Due to the nature of his work, he gets tons of points that translate to free hotel stays in a couple of major chains, but I don't think I could handle staying in the same hotel that the ONS took place in. Which would mean we'd have to pay for something else - I don't know. Do you think it's high time we reclaimed this city or should I just pick somewhere neutral?

tired girl posted 7/14/2014 11:42 AM

Do you feel this is a good time right now given everything else you have had to deal with emotionally?

JanaGreen posted 7/14/2014 11:45 AM

That's probably a good point, TG. A REALLY good point. I'm overall pretty good most of the time, but it doesn't take much to put me on the bus to crazy-town at this point.

Bah, the entire state of North Carolina is pretty much out, as well as Nashville.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 11:46 AM, July 14th (Monday)]

tired girl posted 7/14/2014 11:52 AM

Maybe down the road. When things have been calm for quite awhile.

JanaGreen posted 7/14/2014 12:04 PM

It's not really my favorite city anyway, but there's someplace there that I'd love to take Baby Green - might be better as a family trip someday.

tired girl posted 7/14/2014 12:06 PM

I think you are going to have to stop calling her baby green

JanaGreen posted 7/14/2014 12:13 PM

I think you are going to have to stop calling her baby green

I know! Her legs are a full mile long now and her hair's past her waist. She's a big girl.

ItsaClimb posted 7/14/2014 13:10 PM

Maybe it's just me, but I am finding as I travel this road that I am inclined to rush things, in the hopes of getting to "The End" (as in the end of the pain, hurt, trauma....) quicker - but it doesn't work like that. I am discovering that this is one journey that I can't control, I can't rush, I have to patiently walk the road I am on at a much slower pace than I want to. I get the feeling (and this is just IMHO) that you might be rushing this. Maybe it would be better to wait, especially in light of all the extra stress you have had recently.

Rebreather posted 7/14/2014 13:11 PM

It's not crazy on its face, but I agree that maybe it isn't the best time. Go ENJOY your anniversary, and save trigger-busting for another day.

hopefull77 posted 7/14/2014 19:24 PM

I agree with rebreather....maybe go some place you have never been...
I have decided that we will celebrate dday every year at a resort about an hour north....he never took her there but we did stay their once during his A....he was very distant and crabby....pretty much his normal during his 2 year A..
But last year we went and had a great time....
It's quiet and very peaceful ....
We will go again in 4 months....
The main thing that has been re-claimed is our marriage....

JanaGreen posted 7/15/2014 07:54 AM

Thank you ladies, I'm glad I posted about this. Our anniversary isn't until September but I think you're right in that this is not the right time.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 7/15/2014 10:57 AM

I would caution never to reclaim something for the first time on a day like an anniversary, birthday, holiday... if it doesn't go well, it can taint that day as well.

WhiteCarrera posted 7/15/2014 19:16 PM

My wife's affair started at a little golf resort in Michigan. I went there by myself once and walked around the place, even had a sandwich in the bar where their encounter started. All in all, it was good for me, but I don't think it would have been a good experience if I had expected her to go along as well, especially on a special date like an anniversary. Just my two cents ,,,

JanaGreen posted 7/17/2014 09:46 AM

Update in case anyone was wondering - Asheville is the triggery city. I proposed that we go to Damascus Virginia and ride the Virginia Creeper Trail. It's only 20 minutes further driving time than Asheville and it's completely non-triggery. I'm really excited!

heme posted 7/17/2014 09:59 AM

Sounds like you have a good plan on what to do :)

BTW, I call my 7yo my little baby girl even though she is not little, not a baby and not my youngest. I call her siblings my babies as well. I don't care how old they are they will always be my babies.