Of course you are hurt and confused. This is perfectly normal.
Of course you love and hate him at the same time. Again, perfectly normal.
As others have said. Your WH is not remorseful. He has not established NC with the OW, IMO, if they are working together. She is still in his life in some capacity.
You can't have a true R with your WH not committing to NC and being spiteful and treating you a like a yo-yo. He wants the marriage, he's unsure. He's not attracted to you but he wants to fool around. Heartless manipulation.
No amount of you being nice, loving him, making love to him, etc. is going to bring him back.
He has to want the marriage as much, if not more than you do. Especially right now. As a WS he should be doing EVERYTHING to reassure you that he loves you and wants to be with you. If he is not, then there is little chance his behavior is going to change. (((sorry)))
He continues to act in a passive aggressive manner because he can. There are no consequences expect for hurting you further. His comments are spiteful and asinine. Please don't put up with him being mean to you anymore. Don't allow him to treat you this way.
Someone else had posted the following and I though it would be good to share with you.
Ask yourself , Am I the only one putting energy into this relationship? If so you are definitely codependent and setting yourself up to be abused emotionally. You cannot make the marriage work with someone else who’s not. You need and deserve a partner, which means they give to you as much as you give to them. There is no couple when only one person is putting forth any effort.
You can't be the only one working toward trying to save your marriage, especially when his actions are what shattered it to begin with.
Now is about YOU. What you will and will not tolerate.
See an attorney, know your rights. Knowledge is power. Remember if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Good luck and big hugs...
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:50 PM, July 14th (Monday)]