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4 yrs ago this month.

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simplydevastated posted 7/14/2014 20:05 PM

I stopped having sex with my husband four years ago this month. I stopped because I wanted to protect myself.

I've been thinking about all of it and I can honestly say I don't remember what any of it feels like. I don't remember what it feels like to be kissed, hugged, held. I don't remember what sex feels like. I don't remember what it feels like to hold a hand. I don't remember any of it. Hell, I don't remember if we ever cuddled in bed.

It's like the slate is wiped clean and the only thing in it's place is pain, heartache, and confusion.

FixYou71 posted 7/15/2014 00:55 AM

Why? Why are you in a marriage completely void of intimacy?Wow. I am so sorry.
(((Simplydevastated)))

Ostrich80 posted 7/15/2014 01:04 AM

It will be a year for me. I feel the same way. I wasn't made for this lifestyle, I miss intimacy but I can't take a chance on catching something, plus I've been detaching and don't want to backslide and have to start the process again.

simplydevastated posted 7/15/2014 06:47 AM

Fixyou, I'm working on getting out.

I miss intimacy but I can't take a chance on catching something, plus I've been detaching and don't want to backslide and have to start the process again.

That's exactly it.

I can't say that I'm fine with it because I'm obviously not. It's just some days it hits me harder than others.

suckstobeme posted 7/15/2014 07:19 AM

It's been almost 4 years for me, but my exWH has been gone for almost 4 years. I also miss having someone to hold me. At this point, a hug from a man who cares would be nice so I know how you feel.

I can't imagine though missing all of that for all that time while he was right in front of me. It must be torture. I hope you can get out much sooner rather than later. Once you're free, there will be peace in your house and freedom to find what he can never give you again.

simplydevastated posted 7/15/2014 08:24 AM

Thank you.

I'm now at the point that hugging is uncomfortable for me. Someone came over Sunday and she came right up to me and gave a quick hug. I didn't know what to do. It was very uncomfortable. I wonder if, in the future, I will even be able to accept affection of any kind.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/15/2014 08:39 AM

Why have you chosen to remain in such a dysfunctional marriage and unhealthy environment for 4 years and counting?

I don't get it. Is this some sort of self punishment?

I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish by slowly selling off pieces of your soul day after day, year after year, to the point of becoming completely emotionally unhealthy.

There must be a payoff for you in this or you wouldn't be doing it, but quite frankly, I can't think of one positive reason. Not one positive, justifiable reason.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:40 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]

2married2quit posted 7/15/2014 08:42 AM

Why? Well...I shouldn't ask that, I don't know the specifics of your story. How can you do this for 4yrs. Might as well not be married?

I've tried to detach from my wife sexually, but call me weak, I can't. I wish I could.

simplydevastated posted 7/15/2014 14:43 PM

My story about leaving is detailed in another thread.

I posted this because the feelings hit me like a ton bricks last night and I needed to get it out.

2married2quit, you're not weak. You're holding out on hope. Detaching is difficult in more ways than one. Sending you strength and (((hugs)))

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