Was reduced to tears tonight. A weird thing triggered it (I have been in a it of an 'everything is normal' state while trying to also maintain some distance from WH). I guess it's a bit early - 2 weeks since Dday 3.
Some background - 2 years ago was Dday 2 and I was devastated. I knew immediately it would be divorce. Friends were there for me, supporting me and trying to help me trust that D wouldn't be the end of my family. My parents responded differently when they found out. While my mother tacitly supported a plan to D initially, they both ended up basically very much against it. In the end I decided to R.
Skip ahead 2 years and here I am again. Feels like such an I told you so, moment for me. I remember people warning me it would happen again. I hoped against hope it wouldn't. My friends were again supportive when the first found out - and very angry at WH. But it's generally pretty quiet. Feels a bit like compassion fatigue and I wouldn't be surprised.
WH told his family (we are actually taking a 2 week road trip out East to have a vacation and visit them, on Friday). His parents were devastated and his father tore a royal strip off him.
My mother knows and is downplaying it, hoping I guess that it will be rug swepped and everyone can get on pretending. His parents reached out to me and sent their love and support (I have a good relationship with them, but they are far away). His mother now is sending him supportive messages, checking to see how he is. She sent one to me, but less so. The worst is that she contacted my mother who expressed to me her dismay at WH telling everyone, and seemed like she felt it was overkill. I heard that she replied to WH's mother, singing his praises as a father. It was WH's birthday last week and my mother got him a gift, asked what I got him, etc.
What upset me so much was the way it just seems so easy to disregard the impact on me. Why isn't my mother able to imagine how it must feel for me to have had 3 Ddays (3 PA's now known, plus online indiscretions). How can she imagine I will be able to have a loving relationship with WH? Why don't I get thought of here?
In my life I have been the good one, a pleaser, diplomat, afraid to stir things up. How is it that the one who so brutally betrayed my trust is receiving the support? (as an aside WH is doing everything he can to show me things will be different, he said I need to speak to my mom, and he keeps responding to his own mother by saying it's me who needs support now.). Is my biggest cheerleader and support in this mess, my very own WH?
What a mindfck! It has reduced me to tears more than any other part of this so far. I feel so very alone in this right now.