It has been 13 years since DDAY and I can't get past it. I think I am stuck because I feel that my WH deserves to feel pain and have some consequences for his actions.
In the 13 years since DDAY, he has done other things that I find atrocious. He left me at the last minute at home and took the kids alone on our family vacation, I was pregnant and we had a fight so he moved out. I was all set to get divorced but I started bleeding and was hospitalized, and he wouldn't even come over to help. And the list goes on. I think I am so hurt because after you have an Affair, you don't get to have any more major mess ups. He continually makes me feel small and worthless.
We have a very big family, 15 children and 12 are still at home. He is the sole provider, and he makes really good money. If I left my kids would live in poverty. So I stay.
I just don't think he has a clue about how much it hurts to be betrayed, and I would love to be the perfect wife, like June Cleaver mixed with Marilyn Monroe, then when he is so deeply in love with me, serve him with divorce papers. Or let him walk in on me with a 6'4 georgeous muscle man.
Bottom line, I don't think he deserves me or this family. I want out. I'm getting some schooling so I can get out, but I wish I could leave now.