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Punishment, a dose of their own medicine?

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Freebygrace posted 7/15/2014 06:38 AM

It has been 13 years since DDAY and I can't get past it. I think I am stuck because I feel that my WH deserves to feel pain and have some consequences for his actions.

In the 13 years since DDAY, he has done other things that I find atrocious. He left me at the last minute at home and took the kids alone on our family vacation, I was pregnant and we had a fight so he moved out. I was all set to get divorced but I started bleeding and was hospitalized, and he wouldn't even come over to help. And the list goes on. I think I am so hurt because after you have an Affair, you don't get to have any more major mess ups. He continually makes me feel small and worthless.

We have a very big family, 15 children and 12 are still at home. He is the sole provider, and he makes really good money. If I left my kids would live in poverty. So I stay.

I just don't think he has a clue about how much it hurts to be betrayed, and I would love to be the perfect wife, like June Cleaver mixed with Marilyn Monroe, then when he is so deeply in love with me, serve him with divorce papers. Or let him walk in on me with a 6'4 georgeous muscle man.

Bottom line, I don't think he deserves me or this family. I want out. I'm getting some schooling so I can get out, but I wish I could leave now.

sodamnlost posted 7/15/2014 08:15 AM

I can't sympathize with wanting to punish but I can with so much else you posted.

I have six kids, 5 at home and SAWH makes good money. I have felt so trapped because I didn't want to tell my kids no when they need something financially. Took me awhile to get here but I now would rather live in a box than with an unremorseful WH.

Maybe you want to punish him because he isn't really remorseful? Just a thought.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/15/2014 08:19 AM

FreeByGrace, if this man has cheated and been abusive and horrible towards you for the last 13+ years, I don't understand why you would continue to have so many children with him. That doesn't make sense to me.

And trust me, if you left his abusive ass (as you should have done a long, long time ago) paying child support for 12 children would put HIM at poverty level, not you.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:19 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]

MissMouseMo posted 7/15/2014 08:44 AM

Free, your feelings are certainly understandable.

Have you talked to an attorney at all? Even just a free or low- cost consultation? It may not be reassuring, but on the other hand, they may give you information you didn't know.

13years is a long time to seethe, and it can't be good for you. And I imagine you're not really able to hide it from the kids as well as you hope.

Go see an attorney. ((Hugs))

Freebygrace posted 7/15/2014 09:25 AM

When we got married we decided to have a big happy family. Even though I got a teaching degree and a nursing degree, he wanted me to stay home with our children, so I stupidly let the licenses expire. I would have to go back and restart all the nursing classes over at this point. I really don't want to teach, so I am trying to get a midwifery certification now.

I was angry at my BFF/OW for stealing my dream family and life and I didn't want to let her steal my joy by ending my child bearing years. I was angry at my husband too but I thought it would get better.

I was pregnant with my 7th when he cheated. For the first few years I thought things would get better over time. Time heals all wounds right? So I had a couple more children. It's like a roller coaster and sometimes things are ok with just this cloud of sadness following me around, and during those ok times I got pregnant. And honestly the kids make me happy. They are the highlight of every day.

I have seen a lawyer. Child support in Texas maxes out at $8850 a month. I don't think I could live on that. He makes about $40k a month. I think I would need $13K minimum. Since my husband has a business and the calculations are complicated, I haven't been able to find a lawyer who will look over all of it without money down.

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