"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10
Now we are back, it's time to start planning our next vacation and I am vacillating, I just don't know whether to go ahead and plan something or to wait-and-see.
Wish I could offer some help, but all I can say is you are not alone...
..and sadly faced the possible cancelling, thanks all to the 'rollercoaster' of emotions we deal with..
..somehow, we managed to pull our shit together and go on the trips, but it came real-close a couple of times!!
..sad, what this shit does to one's life..
But then we talk about me cutting back to part time work so I can be with the kids more... I can't do it. I want so badly to be home more with them, but giving up my financial independence when I'm not confident we'll make it. I just can't. Despite wanting it so badly. I could kill him for taking that away from me.
In particular I am loathe to spend money on our home, major purchases, etc. But beyond that, something like dreaming of a big trip is so far off my radar.
When your dream of a life of building, growing, and openness with each other, with full commitment, is destroyed, it's challenging to pretend long-term life plans have the same meaning.
That said, any major purchase, trip, etc can be dealt with if we split. Ppl do it all the time. I just decided to live like we're going to be together forever.
My BW has this. Big stuff, too, not just vacations. She is super stressed at her job, and wishes she could downshift a bit. But she said to me that she's not sure that I won't leave, or that we will make it, so she cannot give up her good job.
It's yet another horrible thing that I have done. I think those fears are getting less and less, but they are still there.
But I figure I need to have some kind of faith or this R won't work at all.
Yep. That's pretty much my attitude too despite how hard it is to maintain that faith every day. We are starting to talk again about moving to a new home, something we put on hold after DDay. Contemplating a long-term future together brings up a mix of terror and elation for me.
WH keeps encouraging me to book additional vacations (one already booked and wanting me to look for more). I think he knows that the financial commitment would be hard for me to walk away from in addition to just seeing that I need to "get away".
I wonder how long these thoughts of "if we are together" go on. Even though we are both committed to R, it hasn't stopped the "what ifs".
Last cruise we didn't bother & we booked another cruise onboard.