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My family is not nice at all to my in-laws and wife. With all of this going on and us trying to work through everything, can we send a no contact letter to my oldest sister as she is the real issue here? I don't want to get into trouble legally, but wondering how she will stop calling my wife a bitch and telling her she is a piece of shit. I simply want to send a letter that says do not have any contact with us or about us or else we will file harassment charges. My oldest sister also tells our kids lies about my in-laws. These in-laws mind you are the other aunts, uncles, and grandparents. It's wrong and we want it to stop. Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, but my fear is it will affect any R attempts because wife is about to say screw it with me half way because of the cheating and half way to get away from my crazy family.

Just curious - but why do you need a letter? Why not just stay away from them, and keep your kids away from them? I would think a legal NC letter would be needed only if they refuse to respect your wishes and stay away.

If you aren't around any of them, who cares what they say about anyone?

We do stay away and they call and say horrible things every now and then. They also email every now and then and say horrible things. They even made a false statement to police and said I threatened them. Thank God I had witnesses and it was left at that. We want no contact and want it clear. They also complain and lie to every person that will listen. We just want the slander and abuse to stop.

agree with painfulpast totally

I do not talk to my family. I changed my number and email address and didn't even give it to my family. I would steer clear of them. If your oldest sister tells your kids lies then why is she around them?

I have an idea, use this as an opportunity to make a choice and a stand FOR your BS. If you need to, Call them, email them, send a letter, change your number, delete them from FB, or wherever you have contact with them. It seems to me that there is FOO issues that are rearing their heads right now. And YOUR family is trying to regain control of YOU.

For myself I realized that even if my M fails and we D. That I do not want to be around those kind of negative people and influences any more. I would rather walk this earth alone, then surround myself with negativity.

[This message edited by DrJekyll at 9:15 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]

Can you file a restraining order against whomever made the false report?

Regarding the rest - block them. If they call, don't answer, and block them from email, FB, etc.

Regarding slander - if you have proof that they've said it, and that it has caused harm in your life, sue them.

It sounds like you are dealing with people that are not in their right minds. I don't know what a letter from an attorney will do.

I would block them immediately, and look into the restraining order.

You have the right to have boundaries with your family. I don't know about the legal aspect but this is definitely a time to draw a hard line with your family and tell them their behavior isn't acceptable and that you'll cut them off if they don't straighten up.

In my personal experience, it is much harder to draw boundaries with the people closest to you, but I am convinced that it is also the most necessary of boundaries to draw. Be clear with them, talk about the what and why and be prepared to cut them off. I will be honest with you, I have some non-A crazy in my own family where I need to make a statement and typing on your thread has given me a little kick to go deal with it.

Best of luck.

Thanks to you guys. We have changed our numbers and did so last year. We blocked them from email and told those that do have numbers we will cut them out if they pass along our numbers. What do they do? They call our work and our kids schools and send us mail to our home. We can't just change our address since we live here, so the mail is out of our hands. It's a game to them. They think they'll one up and find a way to bother us. It's sick. My wife has told them to go fuck themselves a few times because of it. Because she is strong and doesn't put up with them, they really hate that they can't control her or me or us. My ex would just ignore them and they did this to her. They try to communicate with the kids through school and from stalking them on FB and through their friends. It's truly wrong! It's been like this with anyone I've ever dated long before the wife, so it's not her, it's them.

Definitely look into RO collect your proof. Not sure of your childhood. Sounds like a CoD family to me. And that you are trying to break the secret. Possibly NPD parents controlling you. If your sister is the main problem, I would almost put money on mom is NPD and your sister is her mirror. And that your sister is actually doing the work that your mom wants done. If this is the case, then your whole family ate only objects to them. And that should put all this into perspective. You your BS your children are all pawns. Save your evidence for the RO.

The only 2 family members I talk to are my 1/2 brother because he is the only sane one. And my NPD mother, because for me to heal I have to learn to stand up to her. And for us. We are looking at selling and moving.

I think that if you have made every effort you can to cut them off, and they are still contacting you there are a couple of things you can do. The first is keep a log of every contact - put in the date, type of contact, and general content. I think it is a good idea to write a letter. Make sure you keep a copy and send it certified mail.

Explain that you do not want them to contact you, your wife, the children, or their school for any reason. Tell them that the nature of their communication is unwelcome. Then state that if they cannot follow your wishes you will pursue any recourse, legal or otherwise, to enforce no contact.

Just my two cents. But I would also consider contacting an attorney about it. Sounds like harassment to me. Not to mention abusive of your BW, and totally unacceptable.

I also rarely speak to my family. My dad once in a while, but not my brother or mother.

[This message edited by Wayflost at 11:45 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]

You might talk to your local police first. Just the sort of "I am having a problem, what would need to happen to get the police involved." Usually the answer is some kind of threatened harm to person or property. But since there are kids and a school involved, they might take more of an interest than they otherwise would.

If that doesn't help, you should talk to an attorney. Unfortunately, as I tell lots of my clients, there is no law against being an asshole. There might be some things that the attorney can help you curb. But no attorney is going to clear up all of these issues.

In my experience, often letters from an attorney only turns up the crazy. A lawsuit for slander is a difficult action to carry through. Sometimes it just reinforces all the negatives that are already going through the mind of the crazy person.

I usually try to talk my clients out of slander threats (please note this is NOT legal advice ). For you, you need to become the first line of defense. You need to teach your kids that your family is wrong and mean spirited. You need to stand up to your family. Cut all of them off -- no Christmas, birthdays, whatever.

They try to communicate with the kids through school and from stalking them on FB and through their friends.

Schools are so paranoid these days you can stop anything from getting to your children if it's through the school. FB - They should be blocked completely. Your kids can set their FB page to private and not accept messages from non-friends. If the page is private, they won't know who their friends are.

It's truly wrong! It's been like this with anyone I've ever dated long before the wife, so it's not her, it's them.

I'm not even going to ask why they have such a hatred for anyone you involve yourself with because it's irrelevant. I would look into the restraining order on each one of them. That way, if they mail something, they can be arrested.

I'm sorry they're bothering your kids, but again - tell the school that NO messages are to get to your children unless it comes from you or your wife, period. Tell them what is happening and ask for a password or some other method so the school knows it's actually you or your wife. FB is very easy to be left alone on. Go into settings, set it to private, and no messages from anyone that isn't a friend. That way, they can make all the new FB identities they want - they still can't get word one to your kids or see who their friends are to get to them that way.

Thanks. Does anyone know if by posting your phone number on FB and privatizing it to "only me" can someone find it by looking you up or the number up? It wants our phone numbers on FB to recover our accts if we ever get hacked or something. We did it, but set it to not show up on our timelines or anything, but only be seen by us. We are working on this privatizing stuff and the schools know that the kids should not have any contact with anyone not listed in the school papers. They just call and lie about who they are to talk to them now. They also show up at school events that they are not wanted at. It's horrible. BS is having a horrible day with emotions and this is not helping. She literally told me my family is Fuc**d up. Sadly she's right. She doesn't love me today either. I hope it's just today and part of the rollercoaster, but with my family, I wouldn't blame her for wanting out.

[This message edited by lovemywife4ever at 8:22 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]