For my part I continue to work at my personal internal dialogue. I work at believing I am a person worthy of faithfulness and respect.
I am glad to hear that. I think that the faithful spouse usually either does have low self esteem or is a giver, or a middle child who is often trying to please everyone.
I have middle child syndrome. So, I was always trying to keep peace among family members and always somewhat sacrificing my own needs to do this.
I think that is what IC is for and why both the wayard and the BS should get IC.
Personally, I think IC has helped me more than MC
I think allot of people focus on the WS to *do the work* to fix themself. But sometimes we BS have work to do too.
Yes, we have to do the work so we are strong enough to let the wayward know that they can never cheat again, without there being a very serious consequence.
As it is, at this point, I leave the door open to divorce because I realize that I am married to a person who is willing to lie and deceive someone they have promised to love.
With that said, there likely are some marriages in which the spouse of the wayward is abusive.
Still, the remedy to that is to divorce, not to lie and deceive.