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Hello old friends and new. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I was on this site. How fast time flies by us. I feel bad because I know many need support and sometimes when you look inside and realize you are so bitter that it's best you just read instead of sending out hit mans names (JK)
I am still with my H and it has been 4 years since that dreadful day my husband ran out to the store and never came back. He still does not understand why I say that. When he left I loved him, trusted him with any secret or desire I ever had. He was my hero. But on my way out the door I was delivered a 300page detailed report of a 15 year affair. Pictures and all. Then man that left my house just an hour before still fails to exist. And today while decluttering I came across that report that I had buried. (many say throw it away but I CAN'T) I will not say it took me back to square one because I visit there often. But man did it bring the anger back. Just glancing over and remembering the awful things he said about his family. I readily admit I do not love this guy that returned like I did my H. And he knows it.
The GF has gone on to find a BF (unmarried) and of course has found God. And I know I am an awful person for wishing her to have pain and suffering the rest of her life. The A changed me and took me from happy and naïve to bitter and angry. Most days I know I will never totally heal until I walk away. But it will destroy my children / grandchildren .
So I say some recover and move on. Some get stuck like me. I am blessed with the most amazing 3 grown sons and wonderful grandchildren. So I do have peace in my life. Prayers for each of you that is on this nightmare ride.

I am sorry. It's nice to see you pop in, though. Do what you need for you! If you think it will destroy your kids, etc... remember that they probably want to see you happy, too. Don't rule them out that they would be ok.

One should never live their lives as a prisoner just to keep their adult children happy.

If you've raised them right - to be compassionate, understanding, mature, intelligent adults, then they'll understand and respect your need to get to a better emotional place in life.

If they can't do that for you, then they should be ashamed of themselves.

You've wasted 4 years of your life feeling angry, bitter, and very unhappy.

In the end, will it all have been worth it? I doubt it, very highly.

Life is too damned short.

And I know I am an awful person for wishing her to have pain and suffering the rest of her life.

No. You're not. You're a normal person with normal feelings toward someone who played a part in a terrible betrayal against you. You don't have to feel all roses and flowers about someone who hurt you like that no matter what she's done with her life since. Her "finding God" doesn't change who she was and what she did. Just because she believes she's forgiven in God's eyes doesn't mean she's entitled to your forgiveness. That's for you to decide and if you never get there, it still doesn't make you an awful person. She can take it up with God when she sees Him. And it's okay if you hope that's really, really soon.