Living together in the house and being 'separated' or 'divorced' is still living together, and therefore, it's still a union, of sorts. You still can't really come and go as you please, you still run the household together in tandem, you still consult him on everyday matters, and you still share all the bills and everyday chores of a couple living together. That type of situation just doesn't really allow you to make a truly informed decision about your future.
Have you thought about stopping the divorce and maybe having him move in with a friend or family member for a few months so you can truly experience life on your own and have some time to yourself?
Do you want the protection of a D in case things don't work out?
Is it more of a "ceremonious" divorce, burying the dead marriage, with the possible rebirth of another marriage later, but coming at financial costs?
It sounds like you are still in limbo whether you want to reconcile.. I would say to watch your own back first during this time and do what is best for YOU.
And whether you separate or not, I think age-appropriate truth is best for kids...
Since you are not sure whether you want to R, I would do whatever you can to protect yourself and your kids financially. If that means letting the D roll to the finish line, so be it.
What do you think R will look like for you if you divorce first? What difference will getting a divorce make to what you want or what you see for your future?
[This message edited by deena04 at 7:09 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]
One thought that we have talked about is that the Unitarian Universalist church does a divorce ceremony called something like the Ceremony of Hope. How it is described isn't exactly what I am thinking, but maybe working with them you could have something tailored to your needs. In our case, I feel like we could something like either with them or on our own to ceremonially end of our marriage and down the road if and when we reconcile, we could do some sort of re-commitment ceremony. It is kind of a happy medium without going through an actual D.
Also, what helps me is that we agreed to take a year off from marriage to heal ourselves and then see where we are at. We are almost to a year when we made this decision, so it may actually be a bit longer in reality. In my head, it seems like at least there was a consequence, a decision made that I wasn't just going to jump right back in, and also when my family would ask me, I had an answer that I felt comfortable with and felt like I had sort of control over the situation.
Sending you strength (((deena04)))