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I just started IC today, but the sessions/service provided by my employee assistance provider is limited (only 4 sessions), so we're working on assertiveness/boundaries/self-esteem issues, and she'll refer me to someone else after for more in-depth work on sexual issues, FOO issues, etc.

Will be starting MC with the same provider (but different clinician), and same deal - only 3-4 sessions. In the first session we'll discuss the main issue, and decide what our focus will be for the next few sessions.

BH can also access individual counselling, but again it's limited in nature.

I recognize that we'll need more, but these services are of no charge to us, so we're starting there.

What sorts of things do you/have you worked on in IC and MC, and what have you found most helpful?

What was unhelpful?

My wife and I primarily focused on IC for each of us. In my case, my IC started with the current issues at hand, how I was processing them, dealing with my depression, etc. Once we got past the triage of those immediate issues, we continued to handle those issues, but also started focusing more in depth on other things, like healthy communication, FOO issues, etc.

I can't think of anything off of the top of my head that was not helpful about counseling.

I'd say kind of go with the flow at the beginning, and then be ready to put in some work once the sessions get a bit more intense.

You've got this!

Best of luck.

it has taken us since March to get past the initial damage control. and start to make a plan. We have worked mostly on communication issues. As for us those were vital to continuing the process. I fully anticipate years of IC to work through my issues.

ETA: probably the biggest thing we worked on with me was learning reflection and introspection. and for my BS being reassured that what she was feeling was normal.

[This message edited by DrJekyll at 9:03 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]

I am only in IC. In the begninning it was all damage control, learning how to cope with the A withdrawl, depression, guilt, etc. We separated "I miss AP" into "I liked/needed the A because it made me feel _", and then we would brainstorm ways healthy ways I could fulfill those same needs. Detaching the reason for the A from AP as a person was extremely helpful for me.

Now we're working on my perception of my relationship with my H. She challenges my views and gives me strategies so I don't keep following the same unproductive behavior path.

The thing I felt most useful was bringing goals to my IC for what I wanted out of therapy. It gave us both focus. What I felt was least useful was spending lots of time talking about my childhood. I know we all have some FOO issues, but my A and immediate needs were seeded from a different place and that is my first priority to address.

Damage control is a good way of putting it, at first. In the early months I was learning about how childhood trauma had affected my brain, and reconnecting the wires that had been severed due to that. Shrink #1 was very compassionate and emotional, and I needed that at the time. It was reconnecting with my emotions that enabled me to actually feel sorry for what I did, and to understand how deeply I'd hurt BH. Which, clearly, was a necessary component for R, so that was by far the #1 most helpful thing.

After almost a year, I switched to Shrink #2 who is very rational and logical. Now that I'm able to feel normal human emotions again, it's been very helpful to have a C who encourages me to "own" my feelings, instead of looking for an external cause when I feel angry or upset.