Thank goodness you're not in denial, as painful as reality can be.
When they leave the house, it's not so they can 'think.' It's so they can have the freedom to explore what they were doing in secret but without your watchful eyes breathing down the back of their neck. You can be sure he's still in touch with his OW and he's giddy with the freedom of being able to get away with seeing her without you questioning his every move.
He's giving you the TINIEST of scraps of hope to keep you on the end of his fishing line. Hey, the truth of the matter is that right now, you're Plan B. Good old Broken26, waiting loyally in the family home, anxious to let him return to the bosom of the family home if his adventure blows up in his face. He doesn't want to totally close the door on you Broken, because he may need to come back home when he's done acting like a stupid hormonal teenage boy.
And THAT'S why he hasn't 'made a decision' yet. Because he just wants to live in limbo and have his fun while keeping you right where he wants you.
Don't misunderstand - you keeping your heart and the front door open to him gives him the emotional security and satisfaction of 'home' while he's allowed to play unsupervised. It's like providing a safety net under the tight-wire he's walking on - he can play all he wants but in his heart, he knows he still has a home and family waiting for him. How cool is that to a selfish, self-entitled jerk?
Does he honestly think that lame 'duty dinner' out for your anniversary was some kind of manna from the heavens for you? Only a selfish, self-entitled asshole would pull this shit and put a 'gag order' on you, telling you weren't allowed to talk about the marriage over dinner. Screw him.
He and his over-inflated ego need to be knocked down a few pegs. What an asshole.
You need to COMPLETELY cut him off. Not "a little bit," not "almost," and not "I'm really try to, but it's too hard...."
You need to COMPLETELY CUT HIM OFF.
Stop feeding this asshole his ego kibbles. Stop giving him the SECURITY of knowing his wife and family are home with the homefires burning, eagerly awaiting his return.
STOP providing that!!!!
He needs to truly understand what he's going to lose if he doesn't wise up and quit being a selfish jerk!!! He's not going to know what feels like when you're constantly answering every gratuitous text he sends just to keep you hanging on the end of the fishing line!!!! He's NOT going know how it feels when you're always letting him know you want him to come home.
Every time you talk to him or see him or text him, you literally shoot yourself in the foot.
Things aren't going to change until you completely change the way you're handling this. Cut him OFF.
Lastly, some food for thought. Do you really WANT to have this person back in your life, after what you've seen of his true character? A liar, a cheater, a supposed 'man' who deserts his wife? I'd think a whole lot before deciding whether I wanted someone of this low caliber back in my life.
Good luck to you.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 6:54 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]