It sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place. He cried and begged you not to leave, but he's still talking to her? No. You tell him he wants that chance, there is no contact (NC) NOW. He must block her on facebook, delete her phone number. He must get IC. He must do all the things to make you feel comfortable.
He says no? You must have a consequence. You won't block her? Then leave. He must know you mean business. I know him leaving is what you would like to avoid, but keeping him with you is not going to fix it if he's still talking with her.
Good luck, and strength to you.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Read the other stories here on SI. There's always more. Dig deeper, and don't tell him when you find scraps, wait until you have a full meal of lies and cheating.
I know you'll feel bad "spying", I did, but you must find out if there's more.
DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug
For now hang on, in time you will be clear about what to do. In the meantime you need to really find out who you married, I suspect there is much more yet to be told.
(HUGS YOU), hang in there!
Hang in there! Especially after having come out of a previous abusive relationship, I know that this new betrayal is extremely painful for you. And my heart goes out to you! I am hoping with you that his remorse is sincere, that he wants you and only you, and that it is over with her.
Welcome. Sorry you are here.
Your H needs to figure out why he was allowing himself to go down this slipper slope and what he is going to do in the future to make sure he doesn't allow himself to go down that path again.
He consciously made a choice to engage in inappropriate communication with another woman and made conscious choice to meet up with her.
Be weary of tears and "I'm sorry" - actions speak louder than words.
Time for you to define what you will and what you will not tolerate and be prepared to back up your conditions. There must be consequences if he does this again.
Keep your antenna up and be aware. Yes, I would check his phone, tablet, computer, etc. He has lost his right to privacy.
I would tell the OW's H as he has a right to know what his W is up to as well. If he knew wouldn't you want him to tell you?
Good luck and keep posting.
OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious
I didn't message the husband, although I had the chance to, I just think I'll let karma take care of her.
Tell her husband. That way you will have another pair of eyes monitoring them.
Very similar stories. Think about what you really need to do for yourself and your children. My XWH had flirtations with girls on FB. I would catch him and he would delete them as friends and block as well. I was good to my X and thought never in a million years would he leave me. I let go and just tried to trust him and he started having an EA with an old HS friend that lived across the country as well. Because I wasn't watching or snooping, it got deeper and deeper until the both left there spouses for each other.
The trust is now gone and you have to investigate everything he does. Unless he is willing to prove that he can be trusted, it isn't worth your sanity. I would ask him to get off FB.
What kind of phone does he have? If he has a Galaxy phone, there are apps to delete text messages and voicemails. My X had a Galaxy and as soon as he walked out, he got an iphone and sent the whore his Galaxy so they could text and talk and her XBH wouldn't find them.
Does your H get bored easy? Does he always need new and excitement in his life?
Hang in there!