SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

rachelc posted 7/17/2014 10:20 AM

I’m deactivating Facebook. I’m tired of participating in the best picture popularity contest. It’s got to be a way of getting validation by the amount of likes someone gets. While I like to see what my kids are up to and various humble friends who log in once a week, I’m guilty of making my life seem perfect because of what I post. It’s not real. It’s not fair to people going through hard times. it’s the online version of a Christmas letter. Anyone else?

Lionne posted 7/17/2014 10:30 AM

I don't seem to have the dynamic on my fb page. Mine is filled with silly quizzes which my Sibs and I use to engage in ridiculous banter, video that is amazing or funny and political stuff to which I've chosen to subscribe. I do have those who post each time they sneeze, but the family pics I see are welcome, I enjoy the updates.

To each his/her own.😀

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 10:31 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]

BrokenButTrying posted 7/17/2014 10:32 AM

Yep, me too. I deactivated shortly after H's Dday.

I didn't need to, my A was nothing to do with FB and I only had female friends on there. The only males on my friends list were family members. But I felt much like you do, it's all one big contest for ego kibbles.

I do miss it because there are friends I only chatted with on FB because we live in different parts of the country and I know my family miss seeing photos of the boys. But I email my mum pictures now and real friends stay in touch via phone calls and email.

I have no plans on reactivating apart from starting the mammoth task of storing all my photos elsewhere. Once I've done that I will delete forever.

IrishGirlVA posted 7/17/2014 10:40 AM

I deactivated mine a couple years ago and I never looked back. Don't miss it one bit. I was so tired of "keeping up with the Jones'" or getting chastised by my family for not logging in enough.

Now, granted, I hardly logged into my account but that pressure I put on myself to log in (or I'd feel guilty) was just too much to deal with.

I finally liberated myself!

(Edited for grammer)

[This message edited by IrishGirlVA at 10:42 AM, July 17th (Thursday)]

Deeply Scared posted 7/17/2014 10:43 AM

I don't have that problem, mostly because I have a very small 'friends' list which consists of my real friends and family. So I'm not competing with people I don't really know or only know over the internet.

Besides I don't really do much FBing except to post pictures of Teddy, Kyle and Marcus

I think deactivating FB is a healthy move for anyone that finds themselves getting sucked into drama and stupid shit.

Sad in AZ posted 7/17/2014 10:55 AM

Not an issue for me; I love my FB contacts, and I have no friends close enough to visit on a regular basis, so it's a great way to connect. I keep drama off my page. I can always stop notifications and limit posts from people who annoy me

To each his own.

GabyBaby posted 7/17/2014 10:57 AM

I don't have that problem, mostly because I have a very small 'friends' list which consists of my real friends and family.

My FB friends mainly consist of people I know IRL (with a few exceptions).
I even break it down further into groups (like old classmates, etc) to keep pictures and other things private to family only.

For the most part though, FB is just entertainment for me and an online photo album.

Jeaniegirl posted 7/17/2014 12:05 PM

I have never been interested in FB or other social media sites. I enjoy my new-found privacy after getting away from a very high profile job where I was in the news too much. All I have ever seen from people who engage in FB is fights, pain and heartbreak and affairs starting up.

Not for me. I don't want to know everyone's business and don't want others to know mine.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/17/2014 12:17 PM

I deactivated mine shortly after my husband left. Too many friends of friends seemed to be finding it amusing and fun that I was going through hell. The whores friend, who was a friend of mine from school, would post comments that were directly related to me and my situation. Without actually naming names of course. And then she started posting pictures of my husband. It had to go.

I miss it at times but I realize for my sanity, I don't need it right now. For what it is worth, my husband also deleted his. He may have reactivated by now though. Who knows?

Oh..I did forget to mention that the first contact from the whore was to my husband on Facebook....

[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 12:18 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]

Deeply Scared posted 7/17/2014 12:22 PM

BaseballMom31...

The Off Topic forum is an infidelity-free zone.

Thank you

Rebreather posted 7/17/2014 12:33 PM

I don't have that issue at all. I don't compete with people. I share my silly stories and happenings, and enjoy those of my friends and family and some business colleagues.

My ONLY issue with Facebook is my mother constantly harping at me for my business travel. Any time I check in or post for somewhere else, lord help me if I didn't tell her I was going out of town! "Where are you now, why didn't you text me when you landed?" MOTHER!

lynnm1947 posted 7/17/2014 12:45 PM

I don't have that problem, mostly because I have a very small 'friends' list which consists of my real friends and family.

This ^^^^. It lets me quickly see what's happening with family and close friends. A girlfriend just posted pics of her surprise kitties: They are adorable and made my already nice morning that much more so. The friends and family I have on FB are funny and witty and a joy to keep in touch with--and being farflung across the country, I'm not sure everyone would keep in such close touch if not for FB. It's effortless! The only person on my friends list who occasionally annoys me with her fundamentalist religious views and her BPD posts is my grandkids' adopted aunt who takes such fabulous pics of the kids, I put up with/ignore her other crap. I don't accept friend requests from people who aren't close to me and I don't accept offers to play games/participate in stupid quizzes.

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 12:47 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]

Phoenix1 posted 7/17/2014 12:55 PM

I don't have that problem, mostly because I have a very small 'friends' list which consists of my real friends and family.

Ditto. My kids tease me all the time about the size of my friend list, but if I don't actually "know" you or consider you a friend, then I do not accept any requests. I turn down many. My kids have hundreds of "friends," and I just shake my head.

I rarely post anything more than pics to share with my friends/family because they are in different states. My comments are a bare minimum. I subscribe to several news pages and that is my primary source of news headlines that I can catch up with in one place.

I am a very private person, and I keep it that way. There is not a single pic of me, nor do I post any comments about my personal life, other than an occasional travel post to share pics or airport struggles. I won't give people a window into my private world. It is locked down with privacy settings and there is nothing in the "about" section. People that really know me already know that stuff. Don't need to plaster it all over the Internet...

brokeninfl posted 7/17/2014 15:40 PM

I haven't deactivated Facebook, but I don't think I've signed on since 2012.

I was really into it (not so much posting about myself as keeping tabs on all of my hs/college friends - babies, wedding etc.). I had another on-line forum I was active in as well (a mommy group). I realized one day how much of my time when into both and I just quit it all.

ISPIFFD posted 7/17/2014 15:46 PM

I stay on fb for various reasons. Admittedly I started my account to try and prove to the world that my R was working. Nowadays, since that didn't work out so well, I stick to posting pics of my dog, passing on a few fun things, keeping up with my high school and summer camp buds whom I don't get to see enough face to face anymore, and mostly because it's where I find out the most about what my son's up to He's a grad student in art school and posts all his homework on his fb account - it's wonderful to see (and see all his friends react to) how talented he is.

If I were still trying to promote my life like I was in the beginning, I don't think I'd particularly want to stay on fb any longer. It's a matter of adjusting to how I can use it as the most effective social tool to get something meaningful out of it... if that makes any sense.

[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 3:47 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]

purplejacket4 posted 7/17/2014 15:59 PM

I just like seeing what's going on with my friends. If you piss me off you are blocked. I even block people I like when they only post sad stuff. Whose got time for that. I'm a very liberal blocker!

caregiver9000 posted 7/17/2014 16:20 PM

One of my favorite things about FB is seeing former students as adults. It is a treat to see the new babies, the career choices and accomplishments.

I guess it is gossipy sometimes, but I am nosy and I like to see what others are doing!

I will block someone or hide their posts if they are too negative or if they always instigate drama.

Plus, it is like a preview for stupid picture Fridays.

trying_2_recover posted 7/17/2014 19:17 PM

I've gone the way of cutting my friends down to people I know IRL and family mostly. I have a few online friends I know well that can stay also. It was just getting to superficial and that is not why I joined in the first place.

rachelc posted 7/17/2014 20:24 PM

That's another thing- there are about three people who have me blocked that I have no idea why.., a former colleague, one of my daughter's friends, and my friend's DD, although I'm guessing she doesn't want me to inform her mom what's going on in her life. I just wonder what I did to piss these ppl off as I don't post anything religious, political or brag...
Oh well... Doesn't matter now...

StillGoing posted 7/17/2014 22:16 PM

I use my facebook page to message my mom or sister to remind me what my grammas phone # or home address is. She's about 90 and can't remember it either. That and for some reason half the fucking community events for the kids only have facebook pages. It's not like ten fucking minutes with wordpress on the goddamn county site couldn't provide a cleaner, more accessible fucking page with the track schedule or when the trick or treating thing at the town hall was happening, no, they have to put the fucking thing on Internet High School so Tammy can get those 14 thumbs up from random fucking people, while I have to use the fucking search bar just to get to the stupid ass page because the shitty interface deletes the goddamn thing more often than Steam's UI drops my non-steam games from the library. Fuck you, facebook.

Otherwise it just isn't my thing I guess.