So sorry you are here and are hurting.
Infidelity takes the best of us and makes us feel more pain than anyone can imagine.
What evidence do you have? How is your H acting toward you? Any communication at all?
Follow your instincts.
I don't want to lose my family, I don't want to break my daughter's heart
If he is cheating. It is he that will have broken his vows, shattered his family and is responsible for the pain and loss that goes with his actions; including the hurt to your daughter.
You don't own that.
Good luck. Post often. Good, kind, honest people here.
((((hugs and prayers)))
So he has acknowledged teh woman's identity in the past, but now she is the "aunt" of his friend? Why is he nervous to go visit the aunt of a friend - why would he even know the address of an aunt of a friend?
I am sorry you are here, and sorry that you are going through this.
Have you read up on the yellow box in the upper left? It has a lot of great resources. I think you need to focus on you and your daughter, since he is obviously in affair fairy rainbow unicorn land.
If he isn't having an affair, he would have no problem on you "checking up" on him, getting phone records, getting access to his phone, his email, etc.
When I told him he got out of the car and said she is the aunt of man that had called me
That does not even make logical sense. So the phone that was his "friends" that a woman answered is registered to his "aunt" and his "friend" is a grown man?!?
That is quite the stretch.
Did you go up to the woman's house and ask what was going on?
He is lying. You know this. When did your discover all of this?
I have to initiate every conversation he doesn't try to talk to me. He acts very nonchalant and tells me I'm crazy and am looking for things
If he is treating you this way, cheating and lying what are you fighting for? He is not a good man for you or your daughter right now. He is being selfish and this will only hurt you both in the long run.
How did you get past the prior affairs?
Sending hugs and support. Keep moving toward the truth.
Yes nobody wants to be a fool, nobody.
Good luck in your hunt for the truth!
You can’t stop the Future, you can’t reverse the Past, the only way to go forward is to Change!” - Winston Churchill
Oops....thought this was the general forum.
[This message edited by Secrets Kept at 2:26 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]
Guess this was the affirmation I needed to move on and leave his lying cheating ass. He just doesn't deserve me.
It's NOT going to go away, SpinningWorld.
How you DEAL with this is the important thing.
Look, a lot of men don't want to divorce because they fear the financial ramifications of having to divide everything. The don't want to lose their financial standing or have to reduce themselves to lowered standard of living once they divorce. Some don't want to look like a failure to the world - and for a man, a divorce and being a part time daddy is a failure for them. Some don't want to have to live on their own and be forced to wipe their own asses - they're so used to having 'mommy' do everything for them that they wouldn't even know how to survive on their own. And lastly, some don't want to divorce because they see that as not living up to their responsibility toward their children.
I've had a friend for over 20 years that was married for almost 20 years. The guy was the BIGGEST cheater on the planet and constantly complained about his bitch wife. Did he leave? Nope. He just cheated his way through his marriage and constantly badmouthed his wife. At year 18 when their kid was 14 years old, his wife told him she'd had enough and wanted a divorce.
Here was his golden ticket to freedom!!!!! It had been handed to him on a silver platter!!!!!
What did he do? He asked his wife to reconsider and stay married. WTF??? Yup. His reasoning was that he felt he wouldn't be fulfilling his responsibility to his daughter by raising her to adulthood, and he actually asked to STAY married. Wifey said no (smart woman).
Just because your husband is lying and appears to want to stay married, it may not be for love. It may be (and probably is much more likely) one of the reasons above that keep him there. He's treating you like CRAP and disrespecting you every possible way - and has no qualms doing it. That's not love.
Thank you for your brutal honesty. You are right, it's staring me in the face yet still I refused to see it. I don't want to believe that I could mean so little to him after giving him 15years of my life. At times I get mad at myself for being so weak, for giving him so much power, begging him to talk to me....why am I behaving this way? The hurt is just still so fresh.
It's good for me when he behaves this way because it helps with my detachment. Right now it hurts like hell but long term it helps me to accept that he is no longer a man I want to be with. He is showing me the lowest, worst parts of him and I know although it doesn't feel like it now, it's the best gift he could give me.
I just pray that I don't feel this pain for much longer, it's getting harder to eat, sleep, breath. I will be strong for my little girl but really all I want to do right this moment is run and never look back.