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Newest Member: Thefighter (60790)

User Topic: bouts of sadness?
♀ 40819
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not even sure why I'm getting these bouts of sadness, it's happened twice now , once about a week ago and then today. I'm fine and happy one minute and then Boom... sad. It's almost like I cannot describe it. Nothing happens within the time frames I get sad, no music or TV, nothing I can think that would trigger me into a sadness. It's just an overwhelming feeling and I cannot pinpoint WHY or WHAT is causing it. Has anyone been through something similar? I don't feel like it's depression or anything but I do have to admit this is really strange...

Together over 13yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 332 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 43513
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The bouts of sadness are likely normal after an intimate betrayal.

I am two plus years out and I still get sad.

I think it has to do with the fact that I can't believe my life has become just another worn out cliche.

A woman married to a man who has an affair with a much younger woman.

I thought my marriage was good. I thought I had found and married a better man than my husband is.

Seriously, I used to tell my girlfriends what a great guy he was, even while some were trying to clue me into the rumors of his affair.

So I think when we think of things like that even if there was no external trigger, it makes us feel sad.

I think what makes me saddest is that his sleazy affair will always, now, be part of our marital history.

This women he had an affair with will now always be a part of our marital history, like a troublesome relative who keeps showing up uninvited at family functions.

Every holiday reminds me that he was spending time with and buying gifts for the OW on that holiday, during the affair, while neglecting me and our children.

I can't say for sure, in your case, but perhaps that's what causes the bouts of sadness for you, too.

[This message edited by seethelight at 3:15 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]

ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During pms time, I get sad

Also, I feel sad just random times. It's like a wave of "how could this have happened" sadness. I usually can bring my self out of it quickly but there are times I drop and sob.

Betrayal atibks

Posts: 652 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get these too!!! You are not alone. I don't think of myself as depressed, it's just these bouts of such sadness.

It helps me to get around people or activity. I work part-time from home and the isolation can play a part, I'm sure.

Have you found ways to help you overcome the sadness?

Hugs to you!!!

Me: BS49+ 😝, Him: WH 51
M 23 yrs - DD21 DS19 DS16
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, S for 1 year, now Reconciling

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
♀ 44060
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are SO not alone. And when it hits, it hits! Sometimes I describe it as "sad"...other times "mad" seems more appropriate. I thought at first it might be hormonal, but I'm not sure that it is. I have had to develop all sorts of new coping skills though.

thought of "how could this have happened" seems most descriptive. You are NOT alone!

Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 762 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 40819
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the replies.
I've been unable to wrap my head around why and what from. I've read some BS stories of how all the emotions can change when near or on specific dates... well my 10 yr anniversary is Saturday which also happened to be our DS 8th Bday. So I'm thinking this could be a factor. I know all the big holidays right after dday I was such a wreck, I could barely get through the days... but this is just so different. I'm sorry that we all seem to have this in common. Hoping we all can rid these bouts of saddened days/moments someday.

Together over 13yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 332 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 43460
Member # 43460
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you are not alone I go through the same thing. my emotions are mixed sadness and anger. I haven't found a way to cope with that yet. you are definitely not alone.

sometimes love doesn't conquer all

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2014 | From: NJ
♀ 41884
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my DDay is close to yours; 9/9/13. I have experienced bouts of sadness for no apparent reason and most recent experienced 7 days of flat, indifference or numbness. I think that this is just "par for the course" after experiencing this kind of trauma. I am very sorry that you are going through this. Glad we all have each other though to share all of this with!

BW: 46 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 14 1/2 years ago for 2 or 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 15
DD 13

Posts: 1812 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
♀ 40571
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It so resonates - I was coming back from a work trip and had some time to think and just became overwhelmingly sad - I hate that this is my reality. I still have thoughts of leaving after this sad moments as I feel like I should have more positive outlook on life (my previous one!) and maybe stayig will turn me into someone who is jaded and mad with herself and the world for choosing to stay with someone who respected and loved me so little that he brought this into my life. It tends to be when I get reflective time that I feel like this but a deliberate trigger (movie about a happy marriage or an article where the person talks about what makes a "happy" M reminds me that I thought we were in a good M and got it so wrong....

Posts: 265 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 43568
Member # 43568
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, me too. It's only been three months for me but one minute I try to be optimistic (he has said sorry but not admitted the affair, but says he loves me etc etc) then it floods over me again. I think he thinks all is fine if I look ok - he doesn't seem to realize that I'm not.

Me BS now BW, 55
Him WS now SH, 50
Together 18 years
No children (sadly couldn't have them)
DD April 2014, received letter from OW
a relationship the previous Dec 2013-Jan 2014, started by dating website.
TT 8/14
5/2015, DD2, discovered

Posts: 219 | Registered: May 2014
♀ 41245
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get these too and am surprised by their intensity. The isolation can be a factor definitely. I found it helpful when I have just now been having an awful couple of days, to be around people, or watch a favourite show, or be involved with something I'm interested in.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 296 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 42654
Member # 42654
Wink  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do this every night when I go into my room to go to bed. Seems like all distractions have disappeared and immediately, when I open that bedroom door it all comes back. Same thing if I'm settled on a longer car ride. I have a more recent 3rd dday though.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I hope you feel better soon.

H: 50
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 22 and DS 18
Married 1993

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 12

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