On the one hand when my head is not firmly stuck where the sun doesn't shine I know that many possible consequences were brushed aside. Somehow the invincibility inherent in my WS mind excused away a lot of the obvious potential consequences (thinking along the lines of STDs).
But there is one I could not have known about. And I won't engage in much discussion other than mentioning that it involves potential government data accumulation.
I never even considered the possibility that some person who was in no way connected to me might have copies of the photos I took and sent. I never considered that people I do not consent to seeing me naked have. I never considered that even without the allegations of the whistleblower in the situation that I am not discussing, that this could potentially be true if the APs sent them to other people, or saved them on their phones or...
BH sent me a link to an article about the sharing of the photos in that place that I am not discussing. I responded and told him it makes me sick to think about.
It makes me sick NOW. It didn't before because I either didn't think about it, or wouldn't allow myself to think about it.
I was so incredibly thoughtless. "Consequences? Not me, I'm invincible." ~ Wayflost's affair mind
If you send AP a pic of you naked, assume it will wventially be posted, face and all, somewhere.
My point was that I threw all caution to the wind while in my As. I edited my face out of photos and hit send. But my body is still out there, possibly.
My point was that I didn't think about it. I didn't care. And now, when I do... There's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Unintended? Yes. Consequence? Yes.
[This message edited by Alyssamd24 at 4:51 PM, July 18th (Friday)]
SoSorry that's it exactly. I never thought. Makes you feel a bit sick afterwards.
Alyssa I did mean any of the consequences. Although the post was inspired by my thoughtless photos.
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
The law in Colorado has a hefty fine and I believe a 2 year prison sentence.
I realized that I and my BW have lost so much because of my sexual behaviors, lies, and inaction. Songs that we used to listen to, we don't because it becomes triggering. Roads that we used to travel down all of the time becomes triggering. You get the idea.
The only thing we can do is to move on and try to make better and wiser decisions. Lord knows that it is hard.
Here is a link to state legislation.
In CO - it's a misdemeanor, but can carry a vey hefty fine.
It's interesting, but some states are saying it's a crime ONLY if the person depicted did not know they were being filmed/photographed. In these states, if you send a selfie, the person it was sent to owns that picture.
All-be-it a terribly embarrassing one. But It's part of that whole consequences thing.
The sad truth is that in grad school one of the first things they told us was to never put anything in an e-mail or online that we wouldn't want being public. They are absolutely right. Once it's sent electronically it is easily intercepted. Not just by government agencies, but by hackers etc.
At the end of the day it didn't matter when I was in my As.
I am really traumatized by this exploitation and feel so violated that I am even inhibited during sex with my own husband. I never dreamed that my AP would do such horrible things. I was so stupid and blindly loved him.
[This message edited by BecomingMe at 2:28 PM, July 21st (Monday)]
My heart goes out to you! What a creepy thing to have done to you. I hope that you are getting counseling to help you feel safer again.
This is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking about. I know nothing about what my APs did, if anything, with the photos I sent. There is an assumption on my part that the photos were most likely deleted. None of them wanted to get caught. One of them out right lied to his BW about whether or not I was telling her the truth about the nature of our relationship. She went out and hired a PI. Because of the field in which he (and most of them) work, I think they would be wary of going so far as to submit them to a site, or to send them out. Then again, there are stories like SoSorry's where her AP did just that.
There is nothing quite like the fallout of an affair to leave you feeling stupid.
And ironically, even though I am the OW, I can relate to a lot of BW here because of what OM did to me. This betrayal has definitely helped me feel more understanding and compassionate toward OM's BW. The scumbag really did a number to both of us. (And no, I'm not discounting my role in everything too.)
