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6 months - Don't Give Up!

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Matilda23 posted 7/17/2014 23:22 PM

I've been sitting here typing what I want to say and then deleting it because it's not good enough, not smart enough, or eloquent enough. I want praises, but that is not what I want or need. What I want is to share to those who want to give up. There are days I do want to give up, but don't if your BSO is who you are fighting for. Its been months since our first Dday and I am proud to say I am seeing changes. Not much, but it is helping me become the person I strive to become.

Today the ladies at work wanted coffee. They asked me the text my male boss, and without really thinking I did. He replied as if we did not know one another, and that we had met this weekend at a bar. I was very uncomfortable and the girls thought it was funny and I did not. So the girls told me to play along, I did not want to, so I gave the girl my phone so she could play along. Again stupid on my part, as I should have not given her my phone in the first place. Any who, I was very uncomfortable and emailed BBF what was going on. I told him I crossed a boundary and it was making me feel sick. What my boss texted me made me feel like I was in another A. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I texted him back and told him that I was uncomfortable talking with that talk, and that the last message was not from me. He apologized in an open room and it made me feel better. I need to dig deep as to why I can not say no, but I am happy that I faced being out of my comfort zone to protect me. That is a plus.

Last night, we went up to the casino, and when we got there, I realized I forgot my ID. So, he was okay with coming back home but I told him no that I would be fine. I was fine. We found a little restaurant for me to stay at while he and his BFF played craps. Normally, I would freak out because I was alone or that I had to be alone. Last night, I was happy that I could just be content with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. I felt a little older, but I liked it.

These are a few things I am proud of and I think BBF is to as he has given me the chance to sleep in his bedroom again one night a week. I will cherish every time I get to spend with him. But, I just wanted to share, I thought I was going to be in limbo for a very long time, but I see positive steps forward, so do not give up, if that is what you really want.

On a side note, I was looking at a second IC. I called a possible therapist and she told me that it was unethical to see two therapists at the same time. Is this correct? I wanted to see my trauma IC and add an infidelity therapist to my weekly sessions? Was she lying or what BBF would say is she is probably bad, so she doesn't want me to talk to my current IC just in case I thought what she was saying was wrong.

PenitentMan posted 7/17/2014 23:30 PM

I called a possible therapist and she told me that it was unethical to see two therapists at the same time.

Yeah, that's a bunch of baloney. Different docs can give different perspectives and telling your story multiple times can be therapeutic. What's unethical about it? Both my IC and our MC asked if they could talk to each other to compare notes (they haven't yet to my knowledge, but I gave permission) and both had no problem if we wanted to see other therapists whether instead of them or simultaneously. One of the first things discussed actually.

PenitentMan posted 7/17/2014 23:31 PM

...and congratulations about telling the boss you were uncomfortable. That took courage!

somethingremorse posted 7/18/2014 14:37 PM

Good work.

The ideal would be to recognize a problem before it happens. A close runner up is to recognize a slip up immediately, and tell your BBF. I think the second part is completely along the path to getting it completely right. You are moving in the right direction.

I would worry about the effectiveness of seeing two IC's. I am afraid one would tell me something, and the second would tell me something different. I think that might hurt more than it helps. I think it might be different based on the person and the actual IC's involved.

DrJekyll posted 7/18/2014 14:43 PM


Another perspective on IC, there are some T that treat infidelity as trauma. Possibly with some research in your area, you could find 1 IC that would be able to assist with your trauma and the trauma of the A.

In my case, I have a great IC. he is specialized in Infidelity, alcoholism, BPD this works for me. right now. He is a gentle spirit, which I believe is what I need at this point. Building my foundation getting comfortable and not being defensive. But once I grow past this period and gain strength and confidence, he may no longer be the right fit for me.

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