You are entitled to your feelings. It is normal to want to hold him so close, yet at the same time want to push him away. Your WS is the person who would normally comfort you, not cause the pain. That's a huge thing to wrap our heads around. It is a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Please take care of you - journaling, posting here, doing things that make you feel good, lots of water, ADs if needed. Sending you strength.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:44 PM, July 18th (Friday)]