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Alyssamd24 posted 7/18/2014 15:47 PM

I am trying to remain positive and be supportive of my BH. I am so proud of him for getting a new job and know it was the right move. But I hate his hours...the only good days are Tuesdays and Wednesdays when he is home...the rest of the week I am in a funk....thank goodness for my DD because she distracts me a lot of the time. And I dont want to make BH feel bad by telling him this...he has no control over his hours and cant help it. I just miss him so much.

I feel isolated. ...I feel like I dont even have any friends to go to for support....my "best" friend is in a fairly new relationship and suddenly has a very busy social calender. ..one that has no space for me and DD. What sucks the most is her ex did the same job as my BH....she knows better than anyone else what its like and how I feel, but she is not there. ..every time I invite her to do something she says no cuz she already has plans.

So I guess it continues. ...I dont feel like there is anything I can even do to fix it and feel better.

Sorry, I realize this is a very whiny and dramatic post....but I had to vent.

PenitentMan posted 7/18/2014 16:12 PM

I'm in the same boat. Working in a restaurant my BW works long hours. Her days off are usually wednesdays and sundays. But, I'm getting used to it. If and when she decides to go away for the weekend with me, it will probably be a tues/wed/thurs. So what. Things are cheaper and less crowded during the week anyway than on the weekend. I've started taking DS down to her restaurant friday and/or saturday eve as well. So we get to eat and watch her do her thing.

Maybe you could meet him at his job some of the other days for lunch or coffee breaks or something?

I, too, lost my BFF (he was AP's H). I also gave up my main hobby, which was my choice, but I have a lot of free time now. I spend it cleaning and playing video games. I don't know if you work or not, but that might be something to consider. If you need to be home for DD there are a variety of things you could do from home for extra cash and to keep busy.

Right now my priority is my family and BW. If she decides she wants to spend time with me I want to be available for that. It's not easy to make friends when you're working from home though, which is my problem. I doubt I'll find a new bro on my own, but perhaps we'll make friends with another couple someday.

Sometimes DS plays outside with the neighbor kids and I'll sit outside with the adults while the kids play. So, for now, that's my socializing.

Anyway, I know how you feel. "You've been heard"

Alyssamd24 posted 7/18/2014 17:24 PM

Thanks,
I do work so its not as bad during the day....im distracted by work. But after I pick up DD and get her home, fed,and in bed I just sit on the couch....and play puzzles on my kindle....not very exciting.

I wish we could visit BH at work....but he is a corrections officer in a prison, so visiting or even talking to him while hes at work is impossible.

PenitentMan posted 7/18/2014 17:58 PM

Then do something more exciting. I'm learning to play acoustic guitar. Learn how to do something. Woodworking. Make Jewelry. Quilting. Whatever. Next thing you know you'll be going to quilting meetups.

I don't know where you are in Mass, but here's an example:

http://quilting.meetup.com/cities/us/ma/somerville/

I'm trying to get BW to take swing dance classes with me since they're offered sunday nights. But obviously that depends on her. She actually said she'd take belly dancing classes, but it would have to be during the day. If your work is flexible maybe you could take a class one day a week, or one night a week. Bet your BH would enjoy the fruits of that labor.
You'd probably be tired that evening and not even mind being on your kindle.

Now get up and live, damn you!

Actionsoverwords posted 7/18/2014 18:34 PM

Hang in there. He will move up in seniority and hopefully, that will give him a shot at a better schedule. Things will change.

I suggest talking to him. Speaking from personal experience, bottling up this stuff leads to resentment and "permission" to do something you might regret.

notsoOK posted 7/18/2014 20:41 PM

Sounds like you still don't like yourself. Until you can be comfortable hanging around with yourself, how can you ever get to were you want to be? You have to find place were your happy comfortable whether husband there or not. Stuff happened lost friends husbands trust etc. New chapter. Maybe a new hobby full or part time job, gym,support groups meet new people.

notsoOK posted 7/18/2014 20:49 PM

Sorry saw you do work

DrJekyll posted 7/19/2014 20:56 PM

read, read, read check into "your survival instinct is killing you" it echos notsoOK