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In my situation - should I tell BH?

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TimeToGo2014 posted 7/18/2014 16:13 PM

I posted my situation a couple of weeks ago: My WBF and I have been together 4 years, I read an email from the suspected OW last year, talking about starting a relationship with each other/that she would leave her husband for him, have been told by very reliable source that he is indeed having an affair with her - but I can't use this source because he will lose his job (the source). My WBF denies absolutely everything and has convinced me that nothing is going on, outside of them talking. Says he loves me so much and doesn't want to live without me..blah blah.

Anyway, I'm in a low moment right now (limbo sucks). I haven't thought about getting involved with the OW's personal life whatsoever, but it's crossing my mind..I know who her husband is, should I send him an anonymous facebook message just giving him a heads up, without too much info to identify myself? Or since I don't have a confession or haven't caught him with his pants down with my own eyes, I should just keep quiet?

Be honest...I'm just emotional right now

PrtyInPink posted 7/18/2014 16:20 PM

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:38 PM, July 21st (Monday)]

Jduff posted 7/18/2014 16:21 PM

What keeps you from telling the BH that you were the one that found out about their affair? Is there a way YOU can catch them, then tell the BH? Be creative. Where are they meeting up?

1Faith posted 7/18/2014 16:24 PM

Dear Time

My WBF denies absolutely everything and has convinced me that nothing is going on, outside of them talking. Says he loves me so much and doesn't want to live without me..blah blah.

If he doesn't want to live without you then it is simple...


Does your source have proof. Have they witnessed with their own eyes?

What does your gut say? Usually where there is smoke there is fire. Tread lightly.

As regards to telling the OW's H. Hell yes. Convey what was told to you. State your BF denies it but you thought he should know.

Nothing ends the lies and the fantasy quicker than it being called to light. The OW's H can be on alert.

Don't tell you BF that you are letting the OW's H know. He may warn her and she will start manipulating the truth.

Also be weary that they can take their A underground.

Follow your instinct.

Good luck.


TimeToGo2014 posted 7/18/2014 16:58 PM

Prtyinpink - I forwarded the email to myself, so I can access it whenever I want.

It was pretty obvious something was going on. I told him I found it, he said they were just friends, she was confiding in him about her 'bad' marriage (aren't they all 'bad' marriages' and aren't they all just friends? ugh), that she took his kind support as something more. He sent her a NC email, but that didn't last. A few months later, he repeatedly rec'd long texts on his phone under a guy's name, I thought that was weird (guys don't usually send guys long texts like that), caught the name, searched his phone under the dude's name..surprise! It was her #!

1faith - One year after this incident, a source confided in me that they knew my WBF was still seeing her. He had been out with WBF and OW. My WBF talked about seeing her, said WBF has other 'girlfriends' in other cities. Problem is - my WBF is source's boss . I made up a story that my friend saw him and a woman at a restaurant and I wanted the truth. Again, denied everything. I checked his phone again a few weeks later, and voila, OW's number is under a new fake name!

I guess I'm hanging on because I don't want to believe it's happening. I know that if I contact the BH, the relationship is over between us. Which is crazy talk, because I do not want to be in a relationship with a cheater. But I want him to admit it so I know for sure, I guess ?

1Faith posted 7/18/2014 17:02 PM

But I want him to admit it so I know for sure

You already know for sure. You are holding on to the illusion that maybe it is a mistake but in your heart you know the truth.

Your lying, cheating BF will not admit it. Why should/would he? He is going to continue to cover his ass.

Why keep changing her name in his phone if nothing is going on? Why? Because he is lying, hiding and cheating.

Don't allow yourself to be an option. You deserve honesty and truth.

(((many hugs)))

heme posted 7/18/2014 17:11 PM

You have proof that something else is going on.. No one saves someones number under a false name unless there is a reason they want to hide the contact. He wouldn't refuse to stop contacting her if they were "just friends". Where there is smoke, there is fire and this is smoking like an out of control warehouse fire.

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/18/2014 17:30 PM

(You already know for sure. You are holding on to the illusion that maybe it is a mistake but in your heart you know the truth.)

You're absolutely right...I wish I had ended it when I found the email. This last year has me totally doubting myself as to why I would stay in an obviously disrespectful relationship. He's like two totally different people and damn convincing. He's a very successful salesman, figuratively and literally.

At this moment, I could ask him to show me that he put her number under her real name (he said he would)and if he hesitated I catch him in the lie. Or if he told me that he actually deleted her number, I could search his phone for her # (which I have saved)and a catch him in his lie in front of him.

I'm glad you all understand the crazy making that is infidelity

cissi posted 7/18/2014 20:37 PM

Why are you so focused on this one OW? Your source also said he has other girlfriends in other cities. You have to believe that part too if you are going to believe the other.

I think you are never going to get a confession and that you are just going to have to settle for leaving and having a good life without him. I know it's easier said that done, but it can be done.

MuddyRock posted 7/18/2014 22:16 PM

Im kind of evil so I would hack into his phone number online and block her number. Then, I would delete the number every time is shows back up on his phone. That would really mess them up.

But yeah you need to print that email out and physically hand it to him.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/19/2014 07:07 AM

Your boyfriend is a real liar, isn't he? Nothing new. All cheaters lie their faces off and even swear on their own children's lives that they're telling the truth. They're about the lowest life forms on earth when it comes to lying in order to protect their own sorry asses. Your boyfriend is merely reverting to what they all do when the heat is on. Nothing new here.

Someone was kind enough to risk their ass - and their very livelihood - to give you the gift of SIGHT and tell you about his affair with this one AS WELL AS his other 'girlfriends' in other places. You yourself have seen proof of his cheating with the texts from his OW under a guy's name on the lying sneak's cell phone.

Some people never find the 'smoking gun.' I actually never did either. But that doesn't NEGATE the fact that my ex was a cheating liar. Nor does it negate the fact that YOUR boyfriend is a lying cheater.

I didn't stick around to find the smoking gun. Life is too damned short to waste on people who mistreat you, disrespect you, and devalue you - which is exactly what your boyfriend is doing.

So in the end, who are you going to believe - your paragon of virtue boyfriend or your lying eyes?

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/19/2014 13:13 PM

cissi - I'm focused on this one OW because that's the only physical proof I have that involves a specific woman. It's not that I don't trust my source regarding women from other areas, this woman is easier for me to see that what's happening is real and tangible.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback and responses. It's helping me so much to hear all of you say what I'm feeling.

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