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This shit sucks!!!......just me ranting

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neecee posted 7/18/2014 18:57 PM

Please feel free to rant along with me, its been one of those days!!!!
Man does this shit suck!!! 10 with weeks out, WH remorseful, loving, working on helping me heal...blah, blah, blah. I'm trying my best to look forward to the future and work on moving forward, dont want his fucking affair and stupidity to rob me of anymore of my happiness......but its so fucking hard!!!! I've been doing pretty good, staying positive, talking things out with him when I'm feeling bad, all that good stuff. BUT sometimes I just feel like I'm settling for this man who is not who I married, who broke me in half and who I am now trying to start a new life with. Lately I've been feeling like he's this monster who broke my heart. I really feel like he is a different person. Dont get me wrong, he's been wonderful and loving like he always was, but I now view him in a completely different way. We had a 28 year bond, one and on lies, our marriage and relationship was something special, we were special, I was special, he was special. Now, he's not special anymore. He is the live of my life, but now he's just different in my eyes. What a sad way to feel. I'm just so pissed that he has forced me to have to live with his mistake. That I have to find a way to live my life knowing that he had meaningless sex with some skank in her car for nearly a year!!!! I want to be with him, but sometimes I think its the more difficult choice. Why did he have to go and fuck everything up? Why?life is just so fucking unfair!!!! This shit sucks!!......thats my rant.

Allornothing posted 7/18/2014 18:59 PM


I hear you, sister

jo2love posted 7/18/2014 20:56 PM

neecee -

Please remember to follow the guidelines of the Recon forum. There is no name calling or venting of the OW/OM in Recon. Thank you.

tfkeel posted 7/18/2014 21:00 PM

That I have to find a way to live my life knowing that he had meaningless sex with some skank in her car for nearly a year!!!!

No, you don't. You could kick him to the curb and find another man who is faithful, sacrificial, and loving to live your life with.

I just feel like I'm settling for this man who is not who I married, who broke me in half and who I am now trying to start a new life with.

My advice is, don't "settle" - if he is not the man you married, then find a better one.

marionwendy posted 7/19/2014 00:20 AM

I totally get what your saying. I'm almost one year out and I have good days and bad days. I now look at my husband differently and before the A he was my one true love. Now I don't think that so much. My eyes are open and I'm watching his actions , he has shown true remorse since day one but I also feel like I will never be able to trust him 100% ever again. You are right this is so shitty to have this on
Our plates! I love my husband but not the same way it is different now. My head is no longer in the clouds and he has shown me a different side to him ! One I don't like! I've been with my WH for 22 yrs this aug and my DD was one week before our anniversary, I always believed he could never be this man, one that cheats, lies, lives a sneaky life. We never taught our boys this kind of life, but I love him so I'm willing to give him a chance and it will only be one chance! Only time will tell. I don't blame myself I lay that all on him he is responsible for his actions. I know now it's a lesson that opened my eyes. His loss really because he had Simone who loved him truly and that love no longer exists to me it a different love now. He threw that all away the day he slept with someone else.

stunnedmullet posted 7/19/2014 00:31 AM

I understand completely :(

neecee posted 7/19/2014 08:27 AM

Marionwendy thats exactly how I feel. I really miss the man I married and fell in love with. I'm not all thrilled with the cheating man thst I'm. left with right now. Its a hard reality to accept. I miss the innocence of our past. :(

Hatemyhusband posted 7/19/2014 18:58 PM

I feel same way after his 2 year affair w my "friend". He's NOT the man I married
My MC said "you're 8 months out. Your making good progress, communicating, spending time together. We can decrease frequency of visits but I'd like to ask how you stand today?" To me

My response..."I feel like I'm dating a new person bc this isn't the man I married. The man I married was loyal, honest, hard working, loving, thought before he acted. Now this man I'm "dating" is different. He's trying to prove all those qualities to me again, but he's also broken. He's insecure and he needs self esteem. I'm dating a whole different man. Right now, it's good. I don't know if I'll "marry" this man or see a future w him, but things are ok right now. I don't plan on breaking up w this man I'm dating anytime soon but don't know if this is my @forever@.

I'm learning about this man. I'm redefining our relationship. We are getting to know one another. We are spending kits of time together and I'll decide one way or another if he will be my future.

rachelc posted 7/19/2014 19:09 PM

Hatemyhusband - that sounds normal. And healthy!

Hatemyhusband posted 7/19/2014 19:53 PM

Haha. Is there such thing as "normal@ anymore? I'm afraid I no longer believe there is a normal.
Not after this whole eye opening bomb I was hit with

ShockedBird posted 7/19/2014 20:44 PM

I can totally relate - I was having identical feelings today even though I would say that my R with my WH is going well. I'm a great wife - loyal, supportive, considerate - and to have that all taken for granted and completely tossed aside hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. As sorry as he is and as much as he's working on everything, it still sucks that I have to go through this. Neecee, thanks for posting your rant - you've said it all much better than I'm able to. HUGS!

Love25 posted 7/20/2014 08:04 AM

I feel the same way...this isnt the man I married. It will never be the same again and it is so unfair, what the hell was he thinking? I really dont know if I love him. I feel like I could take him or leave him..blah. It will never, ever be the same! Can it be better than before?....Who knows. Right now I feel like I am in limbo hell. I am trying to reconcile but I dont really know if I want to do the work. I should have known no to marry a man that comes from serial cheaters.

Hatemyhusband posted 7/20/2014 08:46 AM

I married a man who saw what his dad's infidelity did to his mom and his entire family. My husband hated cheaters. He had a gf chest on him once at 21 yrs old and it scarred him

He made me promise I'd never cheat. Cheating disgusted him. 7 years ago, he watched his good friend get cheated on and their kids devastation. He watched the same occur to another friend. He was choked up and felt so bad for his friends and their kids. Then, guess what?
He got sucked into an A. He sat w my "close" friend at sporting events for our kids. She used inside info I gave her. She weaseled her way in and... He opened the door. Hence, his two year A.
Along with it- porn daily, sending perverted pics to her, sleeping on couch bc "back hurt", skipping out of work to screw her, crack motels, screwing her at job sites, screwing her in an abandoned home parking at a cemetary, screwing her on her students desks- she's a TEACHER 15 min after class left. In her moms bed watching their house while traveling, her sisters, her house that he worked on, and my house once

Who the hell is this man? It's like I'm making this up it's so horrific. My close friends who know, have been rocked to the core. Never expected this from my "kind, considerate, hardworking, loyal, loving, attentive husban who is the best dad"

Heartbroken1234 posted 8/3/2014 05:22 AM

Nee cee

I am right there with you. This sucks really bad. You are definitely not alone. I have practically cried every day for the last 7 months. I have just been up all night tossing and turning about this shit. Mine is remorseful too but there is definitely a side to him I never knew and we were married 22 years when this happened and dated 9 yrs prior.

Brokenandafraid posted 9/9/2014 09:04 AM

I read your thread and helped. My situation was that he had a drunken kiss (friend of the family) and touching in front of a bar we've been know to go to. I've decided to R but am struggling with it every day. I know he is remorseful but that is not enough. I feel so lost and alone. I can not even begin to see happy in my future and I hate that!

D-day 9/7
Daughter - 9
Married 8 years

Asil0623 posted 9/9/2014 09:29 AM

Me too. Add me to this list. I looked up to my husband. I was proud of him as a father and my boys' dad. I want to be able to feel that way again. Married 20 years in Aug. What is with all of these men in long term marriages going haywire after many years of being faithful? Midlife? I'd like to stick it out and ride this phase out but I'm scared it will continue. (He's remorseful but not working on his issues.). I cry nearly every day for the loss of our old life together.

I hate to say goodbye to a long (mostly happy) life with him but it may be time to be happy on my own...

Hugs to you all...

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