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Tomorrow is my ex's bday...what to do?

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Angeles85 posted 7/19/2014 01:37 AM

Ok he doesn't have any family in CA, so I think he is going to be sad and alone and I know that is NOT my problem anymore but lately he has been really nice at work (we work together ) We don't work tomorrow so...should I text him wishing him a happy bday? What did you guys do on your ex's birthday? He is not dating anyone right now, that I know of.

Salt posted 7/19/2014 01:47 AM

I did nothing, said nothing. Ex was with mow, no reason for me to feel sorry for him. Did he think about me when he was arranging our vacations with mow and her h, the 4 of us? Did he think about me when he was sleeping with my ex friend mow? Did he think about how hurt mowh would be? Did he think about anyone other than himself? Yeah…you got it…No.

Look your profile says you had 3 DDays. Why are you worried if he will be alone and sad? What about how you felt? What he did to you? Did he think about and worry about you? He made his choices. He could have chosen very differently and had a very different outcome.

Don't cushion his fall with your body. Step aside and focus on you now. That means nothing on his birthday. JMO.

h0peless posted 7/19/2014 01:53 AM

Burn some sage and try to exorcize the demons of assholes past. Let him have a shitty birthday. He made his bed and all of that.

norabird posted 7/19/2014 02:03 AM

Do nothing, except maybe for sending out some resumes for yourself.

He could have, oh, not trampled all over you if he wanted to be able to get birthday wishes from you.

No pity for him. No niceness. Put the energy on you.

Angeles85 posted 7/19/2014 02:04 AM

You know what? You are right guys! He never cared about my feelings so what should I care? I need to stop feeling sorry for him. Maybe not saying anything tomorrow will finally make him realized IT IS OVER and even if he keeps playing the victim I won't buy it. Thanks guys!! Feeling better...I really have to learn to let it go...I don't have to be nice to him.

caregiver9000 posted 7/19/2014 07:34 AM

.I don't have to be nice to him.

No. No you don't. If you need permission, you officially have it!

Celebrate you. Do something nice for you. Enjoy the day.

AmSoDone posted 7/19/2014 07:59 AM

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=535262&HL=43871

I went through this a few weeks ago (see post) and the long and short of it is I didn't call him and I'm so glad I didn't. The SI guys were right, he didn't deserve my best wishes. Sometimes it hard to keep remembering why it is like it is. The truth of it is that they chose to cheat and that is why you are not together on their birthday, freely giving them birthday wishes.
So my advice, do nothing and don't give him headspace.

sparkysable posted 7/19/2014 08:18 AM

What to do? Not a damned thing!

SBB posted 7/19/2014 08:35 AM

Burn some sage and try to exorcize the demons of assholes past. Let him have a shitty birthday. He made his bed and all of that.

I did a version of this last year. This year I didn't realise until my girls told me. I've always been shit with dates. Thank.fuck.

Angeles85 posted 7/19/2014 11:57 AM

Thanks guys...I was really anxious last night. I organized bday parties for him every year so I just felt weird but he doesn't deserve anything from me this year. My bday will be in 2 weeks so I want to do something nice for me instead for the first time in 29 years! :)
And today I will spend it with some family :)

Salt posted 7/19/2014 13:41 PM

Yeah now this is important. Plan your Bday in advance with loved ones, friends and family. And if you get contacted by ex, don't respond. Block him in advance, in fact.

and have a great day!

cmego posted 7/19/2014 13:47 PM

Unless you have kids together...absolutely nothing.

I have my kids call him and buy something small to give him, but if I didn't have kids...I'll let his partner do it all for him.

Pass posted 7/19/2014 15:52 PM

I did absolutely nothing for The Princess' birthday in December. For my birthday, she sent me a text, and bought a cake for the kids to give me. I thanked her for the cake, but didn't even have any feelings of guilt about not doing anything for her birthday. No guilt at all.

And, dude, I feel guilty about fucking everything. You did the right thing.

suckstobeme posted 7/19/2014 15:58 PM

I help my kids by telling them to make a card and helping them pick out a gift, but I've never done a thing for him from me and I've never wished him a happy birthday. He's done it to me,but I don't care. I don't wish him happiness and I don't care what he does now for his birthday.

The way I see it, he fired me from that job. I'm no longer the plarty planner, the gift buyer, and the head of celebration central. The slunt lobbied hard for that job and finally landed it. He's her problem now.

GabyBaby posted 7/19/2014 16:30 PM

He is not dating anyone right now, that I know of.

That you KNOW of.

Honestly, he's your ex.
No phone calls, no well wishes. Nothing.
Be polite and professional at work, then when you leave for the day, he ceases to exist in your world.

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