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Newest Member: drummerwife (46039)

User Topic: Tomorrow is my ex's bday...what to do?
Angeles85
♀ 42107
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok he doesn't have any family in CA, so I think he is going to be sad and alone and I know that is NOT my problem anymore but lately he has been really nice at work (we work together ) We don't work tomorrow so...should I text him wishing him a happy bday? What did you guys do on your ex's birthday? He is not dating anyone right now, that I know of.

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Salt
♀ 43726
Member # 43726
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did nothing, said nothing. Ex was with mow, no reason for me to feel sorry for him. Did he think about me when he was arranging our vacations with mow and her h, the 4 of us? Did he think about me when he was sleeping with my ex friend mow? Did he think about how hurt mowh would be? Did he think about anyone other than himself? Yeah…you got it…No.

Look your profile says you had 3 DDays. Why are you worried if he will be alone and sad? What about how you felt? What he did to you? Did he think about and worry about you? He made his choices. He could have chosen very differently and had a very different outcome.

Don't cushion his fall with your body. Step aside and focus on you now. That means nothing on his birthday. JMO.


BS, 54 Divorced 2012
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person would be me.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2014
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Burn some sage and try to exorcize the demons of assholes past. Let him have a shitty birthday. He made his bed and all of that.

Posts: 1852 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do nothing, except maybe for sending out some resumes for yourself.

He could have, oh, not trampled all over you if he wanted to be able to get birthday wishes from you.

No pity for him. No niceness. Put the energy on you.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Angeles85
♀ 42107
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what? You are right guys! He never cared about my feelings so what should I care? I need to stop feeling sorry for him. Maybe not saying anything tomorrow will finally make him realized IT IS OVER and even if he keeps playing the victim I won't buy it. Thanks guys!! Feeling better...I really have to learn to let it go...I don't have to be nice to him.

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

.I don't have to be nice to him.

No. No you don't. If you need permission, you officially have it!

Celebrate you. Do something nice for you. Enjoy the day.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5947 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
AmSoDone
♀ 43871
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=535262&HL=43871

I went through this a few weeks ago (see post) and the long and short of it is I didn't call him and I'm so glad I didn't. The SI guys were right, he didn't deserve my best wishes. Sometimes it hard to keep remembering why it is like it is. The truth of it is that they chose to cheat and that is why you are not together on their birthday, freely giving them birthday wishes.
So my advice, do nothing and don't give him headspace.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What to do? Not a damned thing!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Burn some sage and try to exorcize the demons of assholes past. Let him have a shitty birthday. He made his bed and all of that.

I did a version of this last year. This year I didn't realise until my girls told me. I've always been shit with dates. Thank.fuck.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Angeles85
♀ 42107
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys...I was really anxious last night. I organized bday parties for him every year so I just felt weird but he doesn't deserve anything from me this year. My bday will be in 2 weeks so I want to do something nice for me instead for the first time in 29 years! :)
And today I will spend it with some family :)

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Salt
♀ 43726
Member # 43726
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah now this is important. Plan your Bday in advance with loved ones, friends and family. And if you get contacted by ex, don't respond. Block him in advance, in fact.

and have a great day!


BS, 54 Divorced 2012
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person would be me.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2014
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unless you have kids together...absolutely nothing.

I have my kids call him and buy something small to give him, but if I didn't have kids...I'll let his partner do it all for him.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4284 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did absolutely nothing for The Princess' birthday in December. For my birthday, she sent me a text, and bought a cake for the kids to give me. I thanked her for the cake, but didn't even have any feelings of guilt about not doing anything for her birthday. No guilt at all.

And, dude, I feel guilty about fucking everything. You did the right thing.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I help my kids by telling them to make a card and helping them pick out a gift, but I've never done a thing for him from me and I've never wished him a happy birthday. He's done it to me,but I don't care. I don't wish him happiness and I don't care what he does now for his birthday.

The way I see it, he fired me from that job. I'm no longer the plarty planner, the gift buyer, and the head of celebration central. The slunt lobbied hard for that job and finally landed it. He's her problem now.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Jan 2011
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is not dating anyone right now, that I know of.

That you KNOW of.

Honestly, he's your ex.
No phone calls, no well wishes. Nothing.
Be polite and professional at work, then when you leave for the day, he ceases to exist in your world.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6741 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 15

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