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Going back to location of D-day. 1 year later

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Scared13 posted 7/19/2014 08:41 AM

It was around this time last year, that my husband, daughter and I were at the beach and I found out about his infidelity. It had happened the day before we left for the beach and would've happened again had I not saw the messages on his phone. We left that next morning, because I couldn't stay another day. We are headed back to the beach now. We are in R and things are going great, but I am struggling. I don't want to rug sweep, but I want to enjoy this trip. I refuse to let that horrible memory ruin something I love. I need help. I have spoken with my husband about my feelings and he held me and apologiZed for the pain he has caused and says he will never do it again. But I still am full of anxiety and sadness and anger and fear. I could really use some advice for getting through this week and not yelling at my daughter and reclaiming our family vacations. In this moment I just want to retreat to my bed and isolate. I am going to walk through this discomfort though. I have to. I welcome anyone with experience and how they got through. Thanks

movingforward26 posted 7/19/2014 09:48 AM


Your story is similar to mine. I however have only been in R for a month at this point. My biggest trigger was mopping the floor (so lame I know) buuuut it came from being what I was doing when my WS was with the OW. I cried so flipping hard mopping that first time after I found the truth out. It has though gotten easier. My suggestion is yo face the beach head on. Let out those tears and then refocus your mind to how far you've both come. It sounds to me your H is trying and you have opened your heart to R. focus on making new and happy memories :)

I hope this helps.

LosferWords posted 7/19/2014 17:26 PM

I think the key word that you used here is "reclaiming". I've had to reclaim a lot of things. My bed. My house. Roads that I drive to work on that have certain hotels on them.

Reclaiming is a daunting task, but a rewarding one. With each thing that you reclaim, you get to look back at it and say, "yeah, I am bigger than that." Bigger than this hotel, bigger than this beach, whatever it may be. Eventually you will start to find that these places and things have no power over you.

Hang in there and good luck. Sending you lots of strength, as I know it isn't an easy task. We're here for you.

Jrazz posted 7/19/2014 17:57 PM


There is a beach location that I would like to go and reclaim one day as it is a place where I had many fond childhood memories. You've inspired me to push that forward.

Hopefully your husband will be extra sensitive and compassionate as you navigate through this experience. I'd say that anything you can do activity wise (ie DISTRACTION) would be a good idea. Know that you are going to trigger, and hopefully your H can hold you after your little one has gone to bed.

Picture us there with you holding your hand. That is YOUR family. YOUR territory.

Sal1995 posted 7/19/2014 18:01 PM

I am going to walk through this discomfort though. I have to.

There's your answer. Similar sitch here, except my wife's affair lasted quite a few months. But it seemed to be at its peak around the time of our beach vacation in 2012, and her behavior during the vacation was really bad. Although OM was over a thousand miles away, she might as well have brought him with us. He was certainly there in spirit.

So we went again this year after taking last year off. I triggered badly for a week before we left. WW looked for a hole to crawl into every time I walked into the room, it was that uncomfortable.

But then the time came to leave, and we ended up having an all-time great family vacation. I got through it simply by enjoying it and taking pleasure in my family's happiness. Also, by visiting with family and old friends, playing golf, drinking, getting a good tan, eating great seafood, swimming, and having some romantic alone time with my wife.

No magical formula, but there's something to be said for confronting something head-on. For not letting the actions of others define you or defeat you, or change you for the worse. Often the fear doesn't live up to the (internal) hype, anyway.

Good luck!

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 6:10 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

Scared13 posted 7/21/2014 20:14 PM

My whole family Hates him. I struggle with this and our relationship has suffered. I am no longer close with them. Tonight is a bad night

Sal1995 posted 7/23/2014 12:24 PM

We are in R and things are going great,

Then focus on this. You have little control over the other stuff. I imagine they do hate him right now, but with time and hard work that can change.

You should be his no. 1 priority right now, anyway.

I hope things have improved since your last post.

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