SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

newlysingle posted 7/19/2014 09:03 AM

I'm shaking right now and really beating myself up. So the Gnat showed up in my hometown to pick up my my kids at my mom's with.....hello Kitty in tow!

I was so shocked and I just reacted. I cannot believe he would bring that whore to my mother's house! I lost it. I called her a whore and asked why she was even here. Why she couldn't give my kids 48 hours alone with their dad? I know it really upset my dd. I'm sitting here crying now because I feel so bad. I know I should have taken the high road, but I just lost it.

She was so unbelievably snotty to me. She told me I was a bad mother, etc. Really, bitch? Who do you think has cared for these kids 24/7 while you two were fucking around? I didn't say that though.

Talk me down. I'm shaking.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 9:04 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]

ChangeMaker posted 7/19/2014 09:10 AM

I don't really know what to say but breathe...

Take some time to calm down. After you've done that, take some time to review the confrontation in your head so you'll be better prepared next time.

These kinds of conflicts are good for nobody; it accomplishes nothing. It's especially bad for your kids, who no doubt had to listen to continued dialogue about you and the event as they drove away to wherever they were going.

I try to remember the saying "The best revenge is living well".

courageous posted 7/19/2014 09:11 AM

We all make slips. I know I did when I didn't expect exwh to bring the whore to pick up our kids for visitation and there she was. The important thing is to not be so hard on yourself and get back on the high road.

Try to reassure and comfort dd. I have explained to my kids that the whore has done something very hurtful to me and that we will never be friends but that doesn't mean they can't be friends with her. I hate saying that to them but I don't want them to feel torn or put in the middle.

Sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

And don't listen to hello kitty about parenting...she knows nothing about what it takes to be a good mother. YOU are a great mother.

AmSoDone posted 7/19/2014 09:17 AM

(((sb))

Don't beat yourself up, shit happens and you are only human.

Review what happened, try to see how and where you could've acted differently and as CM said so you are better prepared for next time.

Then dust yourself down and get back on that high road horse.

stronger08 posted 7/19/2014 09:46 AM

Your reaction is very understandable. Don't beat yourself up over it as we all have been there. Its was a scummy move on your WH part by bringing the OW to your Moms house. And if you think about it they got what they wanted. They wanted a reaction out of you and sadly you took the bait. So now who looks like the irrational one ? Yep its you, but learn from this and never, ever allow them to manipulate you into making a scene ever again. Much better to concentrate your energies on healing yourself. But there is nothing wrong with sharing the truth about the OW and your WH. The one thing good about being a BS is that your usually privy to some juicy and often embarrassing facts about the two cheating bastards. And I see nothing wrong in sharing that information with people. That's includes their families, friends, coworkers etc. The truth can be a very powerful weapon if used properly. Know what I mean ?

SBB posted 7/19/2014 09:49 AM

I'm going to be enormously unhelpful here and completely honest.

OWUmpteen is going to have shreds torn off her and publicly ridiculed as loud and hilariously damaging as I can manage should she ever dare bring her inbred, bucktoothed, man hands, whore mug anywhere near me. Not my home. Not my girls school. Certainly not my childhood home.

That is a fact. I'm AOK with it too. I would try to move my girls out of earshot or if that isn't possible I would still do it but stick to PG words.

It would probably take me doing this about 20 times before I tired of it.

High road my arse. There are some places with no roads. My space being one of them. She's welcome to the douche - I could thank her for distracting that hot mess from thieving one more second of my life. But she doesn't get to set foot on my my territory without a hefty tax.

As for her whore talk? Whore, I don't pay you so I don't have to listen to the sound of faeces dripping out of your rancid mouth. Take yourself elsewhere and see if anyone else is interested in your 2c daily rate.

I'm sorry your DD is upset. Is she upset that there was ugliness or does she feel responsible or the cause of it? Set your guilt aside and talk it through with her from her perspective.

IMHO this is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. This is extreme provocation and quite frankly I think you would be crying whether or not you said something. It's not right. None of it is right but this is up there with the most wrong.

((newlysingle))

[This message edited by SBB at 11:36 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]

Gemini71 posted 7/19/2014 10:37 AM

I agree that this was the natural outcome of OW invading your space. As for her commenting on your parenting, F#$% that B#*&@!!! Our parenting plan has a clause about requiring other people to not disparage the other parent in front of the kids. I think it's time the Gnat and Hello Kitty got a letter from your lawyer.

Pass posted 7/19/2014 10:40 AM

You had a totally understandable visceral reaction. You're a good mom.

Please take care of yourself.

What2Do76 posted 7/19/2014 10:48 AM

I am so sorry newlysingle. Clearly this was a setup to hurt you. WTF is up with those pathetic people? Hugs to you and your DD who have to put up with this crap. They are going to try this again, so be prepared. A reasonable person wouldn't bring OW in the first place, so there's no point in asking him not to bring her for pick ups or drop offs. Is there any way you could negotiate with a lawyer to prevent this from happening? Sigh.

Lostly posted 7/19/2014 11:17 AM

Unbelievable. How dreadfully insensitive and awfully horrid of the OW. How DARE she put herself OVER your children??? How DARE she go to your parents home???

It sounds to me as if she is threatened by you. What, she couldn't leave him alone for even a few minutes? Is she afraid her AP might cheat??? Hahaha!!! Idiot.

[This message edited by Lostly at 11:19 AM, July 19th (Saturday)]

kg201 posted 7/19/2014 11:42 AM

(((Ns))

Listen to SBB for proper words to use for next time.

I can't run across the words Hello and kitty without thinking about you. I was in Warsaw, Poland the other week at the national poster museum. There was a poster with "Hello Kitty" printed on it, a over an exit sign. I took a photo of it for you, and will try to figure out how to get it to you. Next time you can show the bitch the photo and point out where the exit is for her dumb ass.

HeBrokeVows posted 7/19/2014 11:44 AM

"Who do you think has cared for these kids 24/7 while you two were fucking around? I didn't say that though."

That part you really should've said. I would've went nuts too. That's my biggest fear. Shame on them both.

kernel posted 7/19/2014 11:53 AM

((newlysingle)) Don't beat yourself up over this - perfectly understandable. Just help your daughter get past this and move on.

Tearsoflove posted 7/19/2014 12:41 PM

It would be a nuclear war if my husband ever brought the OW near anyone in my family. If all you did was yell, you showed great restraint.

GabyBaby posted 7/19/2014 13:06 PM

OMG SBB, I think I love you.

Newlysingle, please don't beat yourself up over this. They did it on purpose to get a reaction.
Unfortunately they got one.
Reassure your DD and keep your head up high.
YOU are not the whore- Hello Kitty is. And while she's strutting around thinking she's won some grand prize (Gnat), you know better.

h0peless posted 7/19/2014 13:16 PM

Are you in jail because of your reaction? No. Is she a filthy whore? Absolutely.

You know there will be another time now that they know this is a good way to push your buttons. Try practicing some snark. It'll make her feel about 2" tall instead of the other way around.

peridot posted 7/19/2014 17:20 PM

At least you didn't do what I did and take a baseball bat outside with you and tell the bitch to leave. The AP sticks to the WS like glue when they are around the BS because they are threatened by the BS.

newlysingle posted 7/19/2014 17:22 PM

Thank you so much for the support everyone. I'm in route with my mom and sister to visit my uncle. I'm feeling better and realizing that I needed this outburst. I've done it now. I've confronted that bitch after a year and half. I'm glad it's over and I have no need to ever do it again.

The best part of this though, is that the mystery is gone. I've built her up over time that she must be beautiful, etc. Well, she has a mustache! I'm not joking! I saw the shadow over her lip from my mom's front door. She also has a flabby gut. Now, I've got some flab myself, but I've also given birth to two babies, one of them over 10 lbs. She has no kids. It is true that they affair down.

Kg201 - I can't wait to see the pic!

ruinedandbroken posted 7/19/2014 17:50 PM

I did something similar once. It's ok. Don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes the high road is overrated.

shiloe posted 7/19/2014 17:57 PM

I called her a whore and asked why she was even here. Why she couldn't give my kids 48 hours alone with their dad?

Well I for one think you were easy on her

I amof the same mind as SBB.

He better never bring his married whore around me or my kids, and I let him know that in no uncertain terms

My kids would shame her too

[This message edited by shiloe at 5:58 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]