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healingroad posted 7/19/2014 18:26 PM

WW and I talked by phone. She says she's given it her all, as have I. The promise of a new day is not enough to carry us through. 19 years, 19 days.

Pardon me now while I cry while no one is watching.

nowiknow23 posted 7/19/2014 18:31 PM

((((((mhca)))))) I'm so sorry, mhca.

cantaccept posted 7/19/2014 18:39 PM

mhca, I am so sorry.

You deserve so much better.

You will feel better, really you will.

Badhurt posted 7/19/2014 18:42 PM

Mhca

You will recover from this and realize how miserable you would have been wondering what she was up to for years. From your posts all she wanted was some stability and rug sweeping after her Ashley Madison fucking spree. You were just supposed to suck it up and love her for allowing you to share her space.
This would have happened again. She would be still at it if you had not caught her again.
Don't stop posting: you will get the emotional support here from a lot of people that have bee where you are today

Jrazz posted 7/19/2014 18:54 PM

We're here with you.

(((mcha)))

yearsofpain25 posted 7/19/2014 18:59 PM

I'm so very sorry mhca. I do hope you continue to stay with us. My thoughts are with you and those boys of yours.

And fwiw, I hope Lklb5 stays too and starts posting and making her own threads over in wayward.

yop

LosferWords posted 7/19/2014 19:03 PM

I'm sorry, mhca.

Sending you strength.

shiloe posted 7/19/2014 19:20 PM

I am so sorry ((mhca))

traicionada posted 7/19/2014 19:21 PM

I'm sorry We promise not to watch you cry but we're here for you if you need us

simplydevastated posted 7/19/2014 19:36 PM

It may not seem it right now, but you will get through this.

Sending you strength and (((hugs)))

FrmrBH80124 posted 7/19/2014 19:40 PM

Mhca,

I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing as well as can be expected.

We are here for you.

healingroad posted 7/19/2014 20:19 PM

Thanks so much everybody. She's the only woman I ever loved. I'm in shock yet again.

The M almost certainly was going to fail. But the final nail was that she discovered that I just outed the OM to his BW after I told her back on Dday #2 that I wouldn't. The OM texted WW via a third person that they set up "for emergencies." Obviously the news that this agreement had been set up was another secret from me. I had planned to tell her in MC in Monday, and if she then reacted poorly then I'd know that she truly didn't get it. Turns out I didn't have to wait that long.

[This message edited by mhca at 4:22 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]

GabyBaby posted 7/19/2014 20:22 PM

((( mhca )))

simplydevastated posted 7/19/2014 20:23 PM

It sounds like she was more concerned about protecting her image and the OM than she was about protecting you and the marriage.

I'm so sorry

mike7 posted 7/19/2014 20:56 PM

^^^^^^ what she said.

I'm really sorry this happened to you mhca.

It's sounds like your wife was still more concerned about her image and OM than you and her family.

my prediction is that over the next few weeks, the OM will try to fix his marriage and throw your WW under the bus. She will then have a "revelation" that she made a mistake and ask you for a second chance. it will be up to you what you do at that point, but I would have a hard time being a plan B.

I think you should move out with divorce and start planning the best life you can for you and your boys. completely detach from her with the exception of talking about your boys and finalize the divorce. there's a world of good women out there. when you're ready, you will find someone to share your life with.

what will she do? she will have to lie. When she starts the dating scene, she won't be able to tell men that she's a member of Ashley Madison and that she hooks up for sex. Men won't like that, so she won't say it. and when they ask her why she's divorced, she won't say because she cheated and signed up for sex with random men, she'll say the two of you "grew apart." But then she'll worry. If she develops a serious relationship, will you or one of her boys ever let out what she did? She'll be restarting her life with lies. Not something I'd want to do.

hang in there friend.

[This message edited by mike7 at 9:01 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

yearsofpain25 posted 7/19/2014 21:23 PM

Wow. What a truly horrific thing for her to do. She really was full of shit and lies. I'm truly sorry for you and your family mcha. I know you don't see it now, it's hard to through the pain, but you are truly better off without her.

I really really empathize with those kids of yours. She really did blow more than your world apart.

I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 9:24 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

Badhurt posted 7/19/2014 21:36 PM

So basically she had another place set up to go fuck the OM. I guess you were just supposed to accept that. So she never stopped cheating on you.
You should feel relieved at some point that you did not set yourself up for another big surprise down the road

Shero posted 7/19/2014 21:38 PM

((mhca))--I, too, live in California and sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing, sometimes being "cutting edge" can kick you off the cliff without a parachute. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

HurtingandLost posted 7/19/2014 21:45 PM

It seems bad now but you will quickly realize that you are better off without her deceit and drama in your life.

There are lots of us on here who will offer support along the way. Post often. Hang in there, keep your chin up and realize that you still have your dignity when you look in the mirror. This result is not a reflection of you. Its her.

And I too am from CA, its where my stbxww had her first affair / fling. My XWW is from CA too. Used to think it was something in the water. Moving out of state didn't help though. Some people are just screwed up.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 9:48 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]

healingroad posted 7/19/2014 22:45 PM

Thanks everyone. I do wish her the best and hope she lands on her feet. She's the mother of my children and I want them to have someone to look up to.

But at the end of the day, despite her protests, she revealed herself to me. And the person she revealed is someone I can't be with. Such a fucking shame. I feel like I did everything the very best I could - not perfect of course - and only insisted on being treated with love and respect. I don't think that was asking too much. The OM has infected her, and she allowed it to happen. Her character is not what I thought it was.

Shit.

[This message edited by mhca at 4:25 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]