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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: It's done.
mhca
♂ 41920
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW and I talked by phone. She says she's given it her all, as have I. The promise of a new day is not enough to carry us through. 19 years, 19 days.

Pardon me now while I cry while no one is watching.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 902 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((mhca)))))) I'm so sorry, mhca.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26489 | Registered: Aug 2011
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mhca, I am so sorry.

You deserve so much better.

You will feel better, really you will.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Badhurt
♂ 41947
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mhca

You will recover from this and realize how miserable you would have been wondering what she was up to for years. From your posts all she wanted was some stability and rug sweeping after her Ashley Madison fucking spree. You were just supposed to suck it up and love her for allowing you to share her space.
This would have happened again. She would be still at it if you had not caught her again.
Don't stop posting: you will get the emotional support here from a lot of people that have bee where you are today


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're here with you.

(((mcha)))


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18690 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
yearsofpain25
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry mhca. I do hope you continue to stay with us. My thoughts are with you and those boys of yours.

And fwiw, I hope Lklb5 stays too and starts posting and making her own threads over in wayward.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2474 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, mhca.

Sending you strength.


Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Posts: 8245 | Registered: Dec 2010
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry ((mhca))


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 661 | Registered: Mar 2003
traicionada
♀ 10310
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry We promise not to watch you cry but we're here for you if you need us


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3354 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It may not seem it right now, but you will get through this.

Sending you strength and (((hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
FrmrBH80124
♂ 42967
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mhca,

I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing as well as can be expected.

We are here for you.


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 189 | Registered: Apr 2014
mhca
♂ 41920
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much everybody. She's the only woman I ever loved. I'm in shock yet again.

The M almost certainly was going to fail. But the final nail was that she discovered that I just outed the OM to his BW after I told her back on Dday #2 that I wouldn't. The OM texted WW via a third person that they set up "for emergencies." Obviously the news that this agreement had been set up was another secret from me. I had planned to tell her in MC in Monday, and if she then reacted poorly then I'd know that she truly didn't get it. Turns out I didn't have to wait that long.

[This message edited by mhca at 4:22 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 902 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( mhca )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6737 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like she was more concerned about protecting her image and the OM than she was about protecting you and the marriage.

I'm so sorry


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
mike7
♂ 38603
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^ what she said.


I'm really sorry this happened to you mhca.

It's sounds like your wife was still more concerned about her image and OM than you and her family.

my prediction is that over the next few weeks, the OM will try to fix his marriage and throw your WW under the bus. She will then have a "revelation" that she made a mistake and ask you for a second chance. it will be up to you what you do at that point, but I would have a hard time being a plan B.

I think you should move out with divorce and start planning the best life you can for you and your boys. completely detach from her with the exception of talking about your boys and finalize the divorce. there's a world of good women out there. when you're ready, you will find someone to share your life with.

what will she do? she will have to lie. When she starts the dating scene, she won't be able to tell men that she's a member of Ashley Madison and that she hooks up for sex. Men won't like that, so she won't say it. and when they ask her why she's divorced, she won't say because she cheated and signed up for sex with random men, she'll say the two of you "grew apart." But then she'll worry. If she develops a serious relationship, will you or one of her boys ever let out what she did? She'll be restarting her life with lies. Not something I'd want to do.

hang in there friend.

[This message edited by mike7 at 9:01 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 570 | Registered: Mar 2013
yearsofpain25
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. What a truly horrific thing for her to do. She really was full of shit and lies. I'm truly sorry for you and your family mcha. I know you don't see it now, it's hard to through the pain, but you are truly better off without her.

I really really empathize with those kids of yours. She really did blow more than your world apart.

I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 9:24 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2474 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Badhurt
♂ 41947
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So basically she had another place set up to go fuck the OM. I guess you were just supposed to accept that. So she never stopped cheating on you.
You should feel relieved at some point that you did not set yourself up for another big surprise down the road

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
Shero
♀ 44041
Member # 44041
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((mhca))--I, too, live in California and sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing, sometimes being "cutting edge" can kick you off the cliff without a parachute. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: California
HurtingandLost
♂ 29322
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems bad now but you will quickly realize that you are better off without her deceit and drama in your life.

There are lots of us on here who will offer support along the way. Post often. Hang in there, keep your chin up and realize that you still have your dignity when you look in the mirror. This result is not a reflection of you. Its her.

And I too am from CA, its where my stbxww had her first affair / fling. My XWW is from CA too. Used to think it was something in the water. Moving out of state didn't help though. Some people are just screwed up.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 9:48 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
mhca
♂ 41920
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I do wish her the best and hope she lands on her feet. She's the mother of my children and I want them to have someone to look up to.

But at the end of the day, despite her protests, she revealed herself to me. And the person she revealed is someone I can't be with. Such a fucking shame. I feel like I did everything the very best I could - not perfect of course - and only insisted on being treated with love and respect. I don't think that was asking too much. The OM has infected her, and she allowed it to happen. Her character is not what I thought it was.

Shit.

[This message edited by mhca at 4:25 AM, July 20th (Sunday)]


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 902 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Topic Posts: 73
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

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