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It is his birthday today and it is hard no contact

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Jomarion posted 7/20/2014 04:54 AM

I need some extra support today. I am going to a CoDA meeting this afternoon, but it is my WBF's birthday today, and one CCTV camera looks out onto the main road, where he often drives past my house. I have trouble not looking at the camera hoping and dreading at the same time to see his car.

His birthday is also a BIG trigger for me. It was his birthday 5 years ago that he started his affair with that woman. She and his kids planned a big birthday party for him, (of course not including me in any of the preparations) a surprise party. He was sooooo touched. Later at the party he got really angry at me, yelling at me, at what a horrible shit I was, right in front of his smiling kids, his smiling 'friend' (whom I think,can't precisely remember, had also brought her husband along as a 'decoy' for me to suspect nothing was going on.

That was the day I started smoking cigarettes.
(I have since stopped.)

That was the day I stopped eating.

That was the day my bowels stopped working, and I had chronic diarrhea.

His kids will no doubt be bringing all their kids'friends' moms who are happy to cheat on their husbands to his birthday today. (if they remember it is his birthday, that is). When I was with him he told me how they were always doing that, trying to introduce him to the next OW.

It was sickening.

My stomach is not doing well. My whole body is going into shock again.

Thus is a very, very very hard day for me.

I want to know, and I don't want to know.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/20/2014 05:59 AM

His birthday is also a BIG trigger for me. It was his birthday 5 years ago that he started his affair with that woman. She and his kids planned a big birthday party for him, (of course not including me in any of the preparations) a surprise party. He was sooooo touched. Later at the party he got really angry at me, yelling at me, at what a horrible shit I was, right in front of his smiling kids, his smiling 'friend' (whom I think,can't precisely remember, had also brought her husband along as a 'decoy' for me to suspect nothing was going on.

This guy is such a jack-hole. I'm not quite sure I understand - you're having a hard time trying NOT to contact this abusive monster because it's his birthday?

Why?

SpecialK posted 7/20/2014 11:56 AM

I am wondering too.... All you have to do is re-read your posts and you'd NEVER want to lay eyes on him, much less talk to him or his heathen children... They are EVIL, period.

BaseballMom31 posted 7/20/2014 13:04 PM

I understand how hard it is for you to want to contact him. And how much you want some kind, any kind of communication with him. I am the same way. BUT the longer, you go without it, the stronger you will be.

Stay strong and stay busy! You can do this!! I will be praying for you! Hugs!

Rubix posted 7/20/2014 13:05 PM

Honey, he sounds awful. What a nasty abusive pig. Please don't contact him today, you deserve better than that. Don't make him think he still has power over you.

LeftOutintheCold posted 7/20/2014 20:56 PM

My WH's bday is today too. I've been determined all day to not contact him. I keep reminding myself that he chose to leave me and our life behind without care to what it did and is still doing to me. He doesn't deserve any well wishes from me. You need to remind yourself of these things for you too. For all the pain you've suffered and are still suffering with because of him - he does not any well wishes from you. You can do this!!

Jomarion posted 7/21/2014 04:40 AM

I DID NOT CONTACT HIM!!! This is really a big step for me. I know logic asks why would I even want contact with him, but I am still enmeshed to be very logical.

And you know what he did? Phoned me 4 times. I picked up one phone call, he was really depressed, his kids did NOTHING for his birthday, he was all alone, nobody remembered, his daughter gave him a card two days ago, and that was it. I did not wish him a happy birthday, even on the phone. He asked me what I was doing and I just gave a vague response: 'things for myself'.

I am a bit not happy with myself how much I enjoyed his upset. Why is he phoning me? Keeps saying he loves me.

But yes, I was ALOT stronger after today. Even noticed a bit of spring in my step.

The spring in my step is a 'Ya! The jerk is suffering! Ya, Yippi!'

I did not realise I was such a masochist.

Is this normal? Or is it me stepping out of my co-dependent behaviour of being perpetually 'nice'?

Rubix posted 7/21/2014 06:19 AM

Heyy! Firstly, Well done honey! Secondly I think it's normal. I felt this way when I broke up with my first WS. Feeling very proud for you. (((Jomarion)))

hardtimesinlife posted 7/21/2014 07:57 AM

Good job.
Enjoy and remember this feeling when your roller coaster plunges. You can build on these successes. He's trying to suck you back into the chaos. Don't let it happen! It isn't real, just a cruel illusion.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/21/2014 08:37 AM

And you know what he did? Phoned me 4 times. I picked up one phone call, he was really depressed, his kids did NOTHING for his birthday, he was all alone, nobody remembered, his daughter gave him a card two days ago, and that was it. I did not wish him a happy birthday, even on the phone. He asked me what I was doing and I just gave a vague response: 'things for myself'.

Why did you even give him the time of day?

Oh well, maybe next time you'll let him rot in hell.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 8:37 AM, July 21st (Monday)]

LeftOutintheCold posted 7/21/2014 18:53 PM

Way to go!! We both did it!! I had absolutely NO contact with mine and, while it's ever present in my mind, I'm determined to completely let it all go. NC is the best message to him that I'm letting it go. They made these choices and it's not our fault if they aren't happy with their consequences. It's also not our place to fix it for them. Our only priority is ourselves right now and you need to keep remembering that! You're going to be okay and this is a huge step - believe me, I know. It's only been 2 weeks since I've gone completely NC and know how hard it is. Each day I'm feeling better and more determined to not let him hurt me in any way again. You can do it too! Good luck to you!!!

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