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How much respect do you have for your WS?

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Flatlined123 posted 7/20/2014 11:22 AM

I don't know if I can say I have the same amount of respect as I did before dday.

I saw a whole different side of H. Sneaky, lying, selfish and self centered.

He's working towards a complete change, and he's doing well, but sometimes the selfishness creeps through.

We're both dealing with a lot. New job for me, work travel for him, placing our sons in a group home soon and he's an only child and his parents are going down hill fast.

neecee posted 7/20/2014 11:29 AM

I know how you feel. My WH is remorseful and doing all the right things, and I do love him and appreciate all of his efforts to change and be a better man. However, he has dropped down a rung in the respect dept. I think I will always look at him and be reminded of what this man that I love so deeply is capable of and how he ripped my heart out. Things are different, and since Dday I really feel like he is a different person from who he was before Ddat. Before he was the man of my dreams. Now he's the man of my dreams.....who cheated :(

Time Ticks On posted 7/20/2014 11:49 AM

I lost all respect for my husband on dday. I have regained it over the years of him doing anything and everything to repaired what he destroyed. The respect came back slowly as his actions stayed true.

tfkeel posted 7/20/2014 14:14 PM

I lost all respect for my husband on dday. I have regained it over the years of him doing anything and everything to repaired what he destroyed. The respect came back slowly as his actions stayed true

I lost all respect for my fWW on DD, too. What it would have taken from her for me to regain it was not given.

Her actions remained selfish and seeking only her own interests.

Hatemyhusband posted 7/20/2014 16:23 PM

Respect has to be earned. It's not given.

How much respect? Not zero respect. Not 100%.
I respect parts of his life, do not respect some other parts.

The WS knows they lost respect, that's why they crumble at times. And that's something I feel badly about. I feel badly that my H lost respect from me, his kids and himself. But it's on him

Let's me also add, I have SO much more respect for myself since DD. I respect the way I maintained my level head and didn't get our family and kids involved. I respect my ability to bounce back (slowly and not all the way yet). And also I respect the live I have for myself and other people.


RidingHealingRd posted 7/20/2014 17:02 PM

Despite the fact that I have a WH who has exhibited true remorse from Dday forward, I find it extremely difficult to have respect for him.

How does one have any respect for an individual who can be so dishonest and hurtful? Yes, a WS can change but they obviously have it in them to be liars and cheats...they heartlessly and sadly proved that.

devasted30 posted 7/20/2014 21:39 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ What RidingHealingRd said. I wish I could have respect for him, but how can I after what he's done? Will I ever respect him again? I don't know. I use to think he was the best example of a man. He was my best asset. Now, not so much.

[This message edited by devasted30 at 9:40 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

Hopefuldad468 posted 7/20/2014 22:00 PM

I have to say what is more important for me is respecting myself. What defines a person is how we handle things at difficult times. I have not yelled, been out of control, or cried in front of my WS. I did not have a revenge A (even though she wanted me to to ease her guilt). This makes me proud and the bigger person.

Have I lost respect for her? Yes...not as a mom but as a spouse and partner. She let the OM cheat on her, take money from her, and ultimately loose even more of her low self esteem than she started with. I actually feel sorry for what she has lost that will never come back. But I promised to be there for her and help her until we figure out what lies ahead...and that I will do because our own actions define us....

To me she will always have some weakness, but she is a good mom, she is good at her career, and she can be a very fun person to be with....just not the best wife right now.....

[This message edited by Hopefuldad468 at 10:02 PM, July 20th (Sunday)]

Notmycircus posted 7/22/2014 19:59 PM

Not zero respect, but not like I had before dday. I think that respect will never be the same. He was faced with hard choices and he blew it.

tfkeel posted 7/22/2014 21:34 PM

I wanted to add that I would have had a lot more respect for her, if she had stopped her affair, confessed it, and worked to repair her marriage, instead of waiting for me to discover, refusing to end it herself, then "coming back" to me after I had to call the OM's wife (and the OM dumped her).

Didact posted 7/23/2014 08:41 AM

I lost so much for her on dday. It was clear as well that at some point she had completely lost all respect for me.

Over time, I have gained a lot of respect for her for how hard she has worked since that. I can't say for sure what she thinks of me, but what she does and says is by far what I would like to see from a remorseful WW.

It doesn't replace what was lost. Some of it is better in a way, some of what is forever gone was better.

Yes, it is sad that something significant is gone. But I can't change that. It is what it is, and there is something wonderful budding in the new relationship. From the place we're in, I'm cautiously hopeful.

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