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mom2my4kiddos posted 7/20/2014 11:41 AM

Hello all,
Just wanted to stop by and introduce myself. I've recently discovered that my DH has been having an affair for the last year. We've not had a perfect marriage, but I always thought it was a good one. We have 4 fantastic children.....2 in college, one starting HS and one starting MS.the older 2girls were eavesdropping and found out that their daddy cheated on me they told the 14 yo but not the 12 yo. Needless to say it's been a rough week in our house.

Hopefuldad468 posted 7/20/2014 12:18 PM


First remember that having a great marriage or a bad one does not cause an A....that was his choice. My WW is still in the stage of blaming others and justifying her actions on the slightest imperfections she saw in our marriage. She even changes history to suit her (revisionist). So we have a long way to go.

I also have 3 GREAT kids similar in age. That is one of the reasons I have decided to attempt to R (that and I feel it is worth the attempt)

However, the kids knowing does complicate thins. Mine know nothing of the 6 year A with someone they know and trusted. They were even Facebook friends with the OM.

Next read 180 note in FAQ section. I wish I would have known this (lucially I did it out of instinct somehow).

This has been to my great advantage. She has never seen me get upset or raise my voice even when I called the OM to reinforce her breaking all contact with him.

Remember to take your time...there is no hurry for anything unless someone is in harms way. Then you can take the time to get past the shock and decide what to do on YOUR terms.

Mochagurl posted 7/20/2014 12:49 PM


Welcome, you will find so much support and information from this site. I also have 4 children. My children do know what their dad has done. At this point all are in college, grad school, and working.

When the second serious A happened, my youngest was in middle school and son in also in middle school. My daughter was a senior in high school looking at colleges. She graduated salutatorian of her class and it was important for her to know financially things might not be what we thought they would be. She is now a senior in medical school and all has gone fine for her. Our oldest is older than the others and she is married in another state.

My 18 yr old daughter said well that explains why he is always gone. I had no clue.

I am sure your head is spinning. Try to eat and sleep. Take some deep breaths.

Take care. ((mom2))

Shero posted 7/20/2014 12:51 PM

So sorry. I have only been on this site a couple of weeks, but have found the community to be very informative and supportive. We are here for you! (Mom2my4kiddos)

mom2my4kiddos posted 7/20/2014 12:57 PM

Thanks to all for your kind words. He came clan about having an" emotions affair about a month ago and then,last week (after 3 weeks of taking through and eroding on things) dropped that their had also been a sexual relationship. He's all over the map- One day he wants to be home, the next he's talking to her. It doesn't Hello that he's battled with depression for years and is currently 1 week off of his meds. Rx expired and his work schedule hasn't allowed time for a docs appt.)
Eating and sleeping seem like luxuries to me right now. When I do eat, I throw up.

Shero posted 7/20/2014 13:11 PM

Mom2, try to focus on one thing at a time, even if it's just breathing. Your mind is going to want to go all over the place, and it will :(. Please, please take care of yourself. The kids will help, too, without even knowing it, because you still have to take care of their needs. Keeping to the daily schedule has helped me a lot.

traicionada posted 7/20/2014 15:09 PM

Please be good to yourself. I lost so much weight post D-day that people at work thought I was terminally ill

clueless1 posted 7/20/2014 21:07 PM

we are here for you. Stay strong. Post often it will help.

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