I used to tell my W how much I loved her and how terrific I thought she was. Then she cheated. The reassurance and support I gave didn't do enough good. Since d-day, she's been on her own for words of support.
WRT the help and reassurance you want to provide - is that to make you or him feel good?
If you offer help so you feel better, you're probably caught up in a Drama Triangle (search the web for 'Karpman drama triangle' - no quotes).
Also, if you help a person so you feel better, the person you're rescuing often will feel resentment because you're really attending to your needs, not his.
In any case, keep focusing on yourself. When you see your H struggling, ask him if he'd like help. If he does, ask what kind of help. Then decide if you want to give that help or not at that moment.
And if he can't say what help he wants, he may be locked in the Drama Triangle at that moment, and he isn't really interested in getting real help, so just tell him you may provide support when he tells what support he wants.
I know this sounds cold, but it's warm and loving when you do it.
[This message edited by sisoon at 10:35 AM, July 21st (Monday)]