Thanks to all of you for your support. I really needed to see that this morning. It was a rough night with a horrible nightmare about him cheating with the exAP at his new job. We talked more before he left for work at 2am.
Yes, he more than knows how I feel. He in turn left a note about how worried he was that I will move on without him. That this time away will make me see I don't need him and that I am better off without him. That I am happier without him and will not let him return.
Honestly, since he finally got "it" and stopped pressuring me two months ago to just get over it, things have been wonderful.
Yes, I would know if he is being stupid again (I hope). I think I am bothered by the fact that he said he worked with OW for 6 months before he began to really notice her. Then it was full speed ahead from there. He still has a way to go. He acts so naive around other woman. Usually at social events, he is off on his own talking with friends and we don't network together. We never did. I was more outward and secure to need to be hanging off his arm. I just felt like the type that didn't need training wheels at functions. In hindsight, not being clingy with each other may show division to others.
I need to stop worrying about the future.
We have no plan about staying in contact other than him coming home on his days off and me visiting once in a while.
I visited his new store once about a month ago. We were house hunting. The store is a store he worked in for several months while training, so he knows some of the staff. While there...a woman (definitely a potential OW) walked right up to him and started chatting it up flirting with him in front of me (she had worked with him before and is trashy in his words). I said hello several times and introduced myself and she ignored me. My fWH never did a thing about it. Just talked right back. The other cashiers introduced themselves to me and my children. Later, I brought it up and my hubby said yes it was rude she did that and he noticed...but didn't seem to understand how him ignoring the situation encouraged disrespect and division in our M.
To me, that is a clear lack of empathy for me and him being selfish. He was thinking about himself and his image. In addition to him not wanting to draw attention to an uncomfortable situation. He will always choose to ignore something than address it and ruin how others looked at him. Just no care in the world of how disrespectful that is to your wife!
I decided to go back on escitalopram to get me through the next two months. I hate taking meds with a passion, but my children deserve the best of me. This just sucks, because here he starts a new job and we are in the process of getting our first home when I am not sure we even will have a M.
Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.