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Write letter to OW's family and my in-laws?

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mamajen00 posted 7/21/2014 00:19 AM

[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:22 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

wk55hn posted 7/21/2014 06:52 AM

Completely agree. You shouldn't have to tolerate lies being told about you or your marriage. Forget the letter, though and do it by phone or in person, not by letter or email. Just my opinion. But your in-laws, who you still will have to deal with for the rest of your life due to the kids, yes, call them up and tell them you want them to know the truth. Keep it short and sweet and offer details or evidence IF they want it. Why should you have to live with a lie like that for the rest of your life?

cvs2kkids posted 7/21/2014 07:12 AM

My only warning is, you're still fairly close to D-day and we tend out out of anger. If there's even a remote chance of R, it'd usually best to keep the A within a tight knit group.

That said, if the A is a deal breaker, then you have the right to lt the facts be known. Certainly our WS ALWAYS try to re-write marital history.

sparkysable posted 7/21/2014 07:31 AM

I told the in-laws. They knew before I confronted my XWH. They even helped me do surveillance. I told them everything.

I emailed the OW's parents. They wrote back and said it takes 2 to tango, not to blame their daughter, and that my XWH was just as much to blame as the OW, so pretty much, OW's parents did not care. I was glad I told them though, as I think they were going to try to pull off the same old "we just started dating" bit, and I was not about to let them get away with that.

I also emailed the chief of police at XWH and OW's department that they work.

It might not have made much of a difference, but I wanted the truth out there, and I know that XWH was starting with his "the marriage was really bad for a long time" bullshit, even though we had just adopted a newborn baby.

mamajen00 posted 7/21/2014 12:22 PM

[This message edited by mamajen00 at 6:22 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

Lark posted 7/21/2014 12:44 PM

If you do go ahead with the letter - keep ti short and to the point. it is very likely that they will rugsweep, downplay, deny, or just shift the blame to you. So don't invest too much emotional or mental energy into them. Instead, I would personally go for a more formal factual-statement and more formally worded about feelings. "We were not separated, he did not divorce me, he did not seek counseling to fix issues. He chose to have an affair and she, despite knowing he was married with a family, chose this as well. I know that as parents you will likely support your child no matter what, but I would like for you to know about the situation."

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