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So my dd went out with friends on Friday night, (she's almost 17) and came home very late, I asked her why she didn't call, told me cell wouldn't work (it has been acting up sometimes) I asked to see her phone, and no calls or texts so what she said about her phone was right) Then I saw the whore's number, she said OW called her back, I asked why she called, dd told me not to worry about it, I asked again and she wouldn't tell me, well I lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

told her that I pay the bill for the phone and I have every right to know why. WH was away working (came back, to OW, yesterday) and I am guessing she was calling the OW for information, but I guess I lost it because of all the bullshit her dad has put me through these past 2 1/2 years, well actually 25 years, of being vague and secretive. And it made me see red when dd is starting to act like it

But did I overreact? I hate what WH's A has done to me and to my family

No, I think you have a valid point here. You need to sit your DD down and explain to her why you were so upset. How her calling the OW seems like another betrayal to you but this time from her. If you explain it properly I bet she will understand. If she really feels the need to call OW and find out where her father is, she should talk to you and let you know what she is going to do. It needs to be out in the open etc.
As far as not calling you bc her phone was not working properly, didn't her other friends have phones that did work. She should have sent you a text on someone else's phone just to let you know she was safe and okay.
But, be gentle with her. This is betrayal is affecting her too. Remember that.

I very much agree with devastated30. You have a valid point here and you should discuss with your DD. The key is discuss. Talk with and not at DD. She is feeling betrayed.

Talking about the phone bill is probably the wrong way to go about it...but understandable in loosing your cool a bit. Maybe that's a good entry point to have a better conversation about it. It's not so much the phone bill but that you were hurt and then explain why you were hurt. Ask her how she feels. Let her know that her thoughts and opinions matter to you.

I'm assuming you mean overreact by her telling you, not to worry about the phone call to ow? I have a DD this age and.I.know they can be testy and down right combative at times. I'm thinking maybe she just didn't want to get things going, knowing how you feel about ow. She's home late, your both tired, and she prob thought, I really don't want to have this conversation right now. Her deliverance could have been better, I think but sometimes the kids feel torn and she prob was afraid it was going to turn into a rant about her dad. That's my opinion but I'm sure others may feel differently. I think cut her some slack. She's been hurt too but she still loves her dad I'm sure and maybe feels like she's in the middle by b by feeling like she's betraying you by having to go through the ow to get to her dad. That would suck.

Gently, it seems like you sort of already knew why she called OW and your anger and frustration may have gotten pointed in the the wrong direction.

My dad left for OW when I was 13/14 and my mom was like this. My older brother left for college so I took the brunt of my mom's anger and it wasn't even mine to take. If you see yourself doing this, think hard about making a change. If I'm off base, I apologize. I was angry at everyone. Dad for leaving, brother for leaving, mom for being home. I know now, 20+ years later, that my mom was just dealing badly with a horrible situation but it made that moment in time one of the worst times of my life.

DD17 needs your help and support right now.

I agree with what feeling said.

I would keep my stepmother's name out of conversations even though my dad never cheated. I was trying to avoid my mother's anger.

I understand. I see red whenever I find out my 27 year old DD has spoken to X (her stepdad for all intents and purposes). I fight my urge to say anything because the relationship I need to protect is that of my DD and myself. It will get better. Hang in there and try to let your dd know that you aren't angry at her.

thank you all for your replies and imput, some comments really hit close to home.

I am just so sick of the crap that we are having to deal with from WH and OW, and after what happened Canada weekend with OW and dd, I don't want her talking to that bitch. The OW proved without a doubt just how little regard she has for our dd. And just how much WH has changed because of her

DD was daddy's girl, and this really sucks. He has abandoned his family for some whore from the wrong side of town, who claimed to have money, but is flat broke (unless you count the money she is able to get out of WH), mother of 2 kids from 2 different men who have nothing to do with their kids.......I think that is one of the hardest things to wrap my head around, she has 2 kids who have no relationship with their dads and now because of her, WH is exactly the same way to his own. Hasn't seen or talked to ds in almost 2 years and has never even seen grandson who is almost 18 months old

What the hell is wrong with her, its like she is jealous or something of the relationship he had with us, yes I know this is all on WH, but believe me, anytime WH comes here or even talks to any of us, OW gives him hell for a while, but yet he stays, says he's trapped.

Dumbass, wow how could I have been so wrong about someone, I really thought he was a man, turns out he was just waiting for the right puppetmaster to come along to pull the strings and make him do what they want

This type of man your describing is the worst of all in my.opinion. I'm so sad for your family. Yea ow is a C word with a capital C but the fact that he allows it just sickens me.