The pub we met in nearly 20 years ago has closed down and I told him the news. I have mixed feelings. So annoyed right now but fwh thinks I am being over dramatic and doesn't understand why I am so hurt. He gets me being hurt about the affair stuff connected with it and expressed sorrow and remorse that he has tainted those memories but when his ex came up we fought.
The night he had his ONS she picked him up from that pub. I have been devastated that he could be there, where we met, listening to the band that played at our wedding and text her all night, send her photos of the band and even ring her so he could let her hear how good they are. It cut deep he could be so surrounded by me yet do it all anyway. She picked him up outside the pub and they had sex on the car park where he taught me to drive. He said he didn't even think of me, turned a blind eye to all the reminders simply because she wanted him. He admits that's all he cared about. Having another woman want him.
Well, a few weeks ago his first love pm'd him on fb. He handled it brilliantly, didn't reply til he was with me and cut off all contact, including blocking her. However, it did bring up insecurities and we discussed their relationship all those years ago, especially how she cheated on him.
He has always said how special that pub was cos its where we met when I was just 17 and that the minute I walked through the door he knew he would marry me. Yet when we had this chat about the ex from all those years ago he let slip that he had met her there too.
Now if he had told me that of course I wouldn't have minded but it damn sure wouldn't have been thought of as 'our place'! All the times he said that I feel like an idiot now.
I know I am being sensitive but I have spent nearly 20 years thinking of it that way and he has dumped on the romance twice now. 1 by having his ONS from there and 2 by slipping up and me realising it was his and his exes 'special place' before it was ours. To me that means it never really was ours.
Am I being stupid about this? I know I am not being very rational cos my temper is flying. I am having lots of other problems at the moment and am pretty raw.
He says it doesn't matter and will always be our place to him as it's where he met the love of his life etc etc and that nothing that went before me counts but that he is so sorry he ruined it the night he had his ONS.
I feel a bit of a fool for every time I have told people the story of the night we met and how the pub was 'our place' .
He swears he told me years ago but I know for sure he didn't as I would not have seen it as just ours if he had. It's like the club we would go to afterwards. I loved the place but it was never 'ours' cos he had met all his other girlfriends there and I always knew he had exes in the place. I dealt with it but it was never special to 'us' just a fun place to go.
Am I over reacting? I am not in a fit place to think straight and I don't want to blow this up if I am being unreasonable. My nan is in hospital dying a little over a year since I found out about the affair and my dad's untimely death.
I need a sensible head to help me see straight.