Notabird, I know exactly what your talking about! It is lovely to know someone going through the same thing, as frustrating as it is.
I agree with you about the differences in processing time. With my divorce I had lots of time to sort through it all and it was more clear cut, at least for me. Typically we try all avenues to keep a marriage together, especially when kids are involved. There's MC, and loads of trying before finally calling it quits. With a xbf its different and we don't try as hard to work out problems. As a result there isn't as much processing time and not as many opportunities to fix things.
With my xbf my relationship was more of an intense love. The type of love I always wanted. I really thought he was 'the one', but he still didn't treat me well. The relationship was probably a little dysfunctional as it was more one sided on my end.
The guy I am seeing now is the exact opposite, and he treats me really well. He calls, texts, and follows through. He doesn't have baggage (his wife died in 01 from cancer), and is an all around great guy. So...I don't know what the problem is? Why am I not more excited? Why am I just 'meh'?? Where are the butterflies? Isn't this what I've always wanted, and if so why am I not feeling more of the above?
Like you, I'm trying not to run away either, but its really hard! I am so confused because I've always been a 'trust your gut' gal, but that hasn't served me well in other relationships. My hearts telling me to run and my heads telling me to stay put. Maybe I need to find someone that my head and heart are in alignment with? Ugh. I just don't know. I know just how you feel...Its so very frustrating and confusing.
I mean, what do healthy relationships look like, because I have no idea? None whatsoever.
I also have my own issues to work on, so part of me thinks (like you) that perhaps I need to sort through those first? But, what if it takes me years to sort through them, shouldn't I be dating at the same time? Or, what if this guy is 'the one' but I don't know it because dysfunctional relationships are normal and comfortable for me? Or, what if I get so comfortable not dating that I put up walls and shut relationships out instead, cause thats not healthy, either. Bloody hell, this stuffs a nightmare!!
I am really relating to how you feel.
I do agree that time will make it clearer, though. Well...at least that's what I am hoping..
I wish I had some great advice, or profound wisdom, but I'm stuck in the same spot. I hoping that a bunch of people will respond to your post, because I really want to read what they say! Are you multi-dating?
Good luck on your date tonight, and let me know how it goes, and if anything becomes clearer! And again, I'm sorry I'm not more helpful..