I really admire you for putting this out there Lostdream22. It's tough as a BS to admit fault - well it is for me!
I have a huge issue with anger. Anger has been my over-riding emotion for the last 2 years, it's kind of "drowned out" my pain, resentment etc etc. I am pretty much a walking ball of anger.
My therapist pointed out that anger is a secondary emotion - it generally hides an emotion that makes us feel vulnerable - masks it with something that makes us feel powerful. In my case the pain of WH's infidelity and fear of what it means for us as a couple makes me feel vulnerable, so I shout and scream and that makes me feel powerful.
It helped me quite a lot to work out what is actually going on inside. It didn't take the anger away, but it helps when I get angry to stop and think "what is actually going on here? what am I really feeling?" Sometimes (not always!) that diffuses things a bit.
It also came up in therapy that some of my anger isn't actually directed at WH, some of it is about other stuff (childhood hurts) and WH has now become an easy target for me to chuck all my anger at. Not sure if that applies in your situation, but it might be worth examining.
What my husband's therapist once recommended is taking a time out when things get heated. (This only worked for us when it was done in the right way. On one occasion WH kind of sarcastically rolled his eyes at me and made the time out gesture in a very passive aggressive way.... didn't work out so well
) But if we can catch things before they get really explosive and take a time out, it helps a lot.
Breathing exercises help me a lot. If I feel myself getting worked up I shut my eyes and focus on sloooow breath in, hold it, and then slooooow breath out. I do that a couple of times and it calms me.
Journalling also helps to release the anger, to work out what is causing the anger, to get my feelings into a coherent place.
BUT I am still very much a work in progress. I still struggle with anger a lot. I think it's partially a childhood trait... the "I don't get sad, I get mad" thing was born in me at about the age of 6, so it's had 40 years to become an art.... it's taking a while to break the habit!
Hoping you can work through this. It's toxic to be dealing with all this anger. {{Lostdream22}}
[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 1:03 PM, July 21st (Monday)]