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Newest Member: ZombieGirl2

Reconciliation :
Well, isn't *this* funny.

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 Ascendant (original poster member #38303) posted at 12:12 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

So, you know that point in reconciliation where the WS gets all paranoid that you are going to have an RA and starts doing things like reading your SI posts and/or PMs? And then has the nerve to try issue YOU a boundaries lecture? Even though you have nothing to hide and keep yourself logged in to SI at all times on the common family computer?

This is extra hilarious when your WS has their own SI username that they've used....mmmm....let's say twice, but chooses to creep via yours instead. I know this is something somewhat common, but man....

posts: 5193   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2013   ·   location: North of Chicago, Illinois
id 6880457
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TheIrishGirl ( member #43496) posted at 12:32 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

My WH finds participation on these boards somewhat suspect. WTF. He's the one that cheated via message boards. But they were porn & sex ones. Try again.

Me: 33, BW Him: 40, fWH
Together 11y, married 8
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email
Working on R, and it's working

posts: 3226   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2014
id 6880489
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healingroad ( member #41920) posted at 12:44 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Projection, anyone?

posts: 1579   ·   registered: Jan. 4th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6880506
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tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 2:08 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Is there a reason why she is all of the sudden feeling insecure about things?

Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

posts: 7444   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Inside my head
id 6880588
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 2:15 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Ah, insecurity over their own deeds! That is what it looks like to me anyhow.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6880597
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MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

I know your post shows irony, and you got to get that out. Unfortunately I feel this kind of posting can regress your reconciliation efforts. When I am lucky enough to meet the members face to face, I often get a better idea of who they are. I really hope that when I met you and your W that it wasn't a charade (Which I don't think it was) because my gut was telling me that you two have a great shot at reconciling.

So kudos to you for being open with your postings and PMs. Hopefully you can encourage her to open up and dig down to what might be driving this fear. Communication is a key. Validation is a key. Patience is a key. Listening is a key. As well as Compassion is a key. For either one of you has the sole power to derail R. It will take the two of you working together to make R succeed.

posts: 54450   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2007
id 6880682
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 Ascendant (original poster member #38303) posted at 4:02 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Thanks to everyone who read my little sarcastic vent. After reading Moo's advice, I've decided that this is something dealt with more appropriately privately. Thanks to all.

posts: 5193   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2013   ·   location: North of Chicago, Illinois
id 6880689
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Some random thoughts...

I've decided that this is something dealt with more appropriately privately.

That's great, assuming 'privately' means direct discussions with your W inside or outside MC.

And it's really nice to have a place to vent.

Have you considered placing each other's threads or posts off-limits to each other? That won't work perfectly for folks who vent a lot, but it gives each of you some safety.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31107   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 6881076
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 4:40 PM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

Locking per OP's request.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6881273
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