You are being heard, and there are many of us who struggle. It varies I guess. I still, after over 6 months, struggle with anger and pain. Learn to recognize it and "ride it out" without being overly reactive to your other loved ones. See an IC if you can.
In my experience and that of many other BSs, it comes and goes in waves. At first it was almost constant. Now there are entire days where I don't feel it (however I am S, heading to D). The days I do it's once or twice a day, for a short time. It's also situational - for example, last night I struggled in bed with anger for about an hour, knowing WW is just back from vacation with my kids. Now the kids are back with me and I feel fine. It has been about 4 days since the previous anger wave.
Continue the 180 (or start if you haven't). Remember it's for your healing.
Be strong. We got your back.
It WILL get better.
Seems you are trying to R, but feel defeated by your anger. Anger is also something that comes up when you feel like you've not said enough to your WH, when you feel like they dont really understand how hurt you are and what they have done to you and your whole family.
Is he at all remorseful? Think about it.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)
[This message edited by sarahstar at 8:30 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]
It's a place where I can yell and scream and curse and no one is going to hear.
sarahstar: Does the anger come afterwards? I am only experiencing absolute hurt and devastation. For some reason I am not angry.
That's how it was for me. I had a burst of anger after D-Day #1, but after that and after each of the other "major events" I seemed to go into a shock for about a month where I felt numb. After those month-long periods a bunch of angry feelings surfaced each time.
[This message edited by mhca at 1:13 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
Does the anger come afterwards? I am only experiencing absolute hurt and devastation. For some reason I am not angry
I was picking up my former girlfriend and adopted daughter (WFGF's natural daughter) to go shopping when my daughter said she got a creepy text message on her iPhone (both WFGF and DD were using iPhones at the time). The message was "Took my bike to the fixit shop yesterday; can't wait to hear your sexy voice." The text message was from her mother. I knew in my gut it was a misaddressed text from WFGF to AP, that went to DD's phone instead, and my overwhelming emotions were envy and disappointment that I did not have that level of intimacy with WFGF. I was surprised that I did not feel anger. I told WFGF that I wished I had that kind of emotional closeness with her; she said her phone must have been hacked and that she was not the author of the text message. When I discussed this with my counselor, my IC said it would be easier to move on if I were able to feel anger. This happened two years ago. I did not find/experience much anger; my feelings were mostly hurt, disappointment, enormous sense of loss (twenty-five-year relationship--see my profile for back story). I have moved on to the extent that I am NC with her except for contact regarding our DD, and the intensity of my feelings (grief) has diminished a lot. This is my first post (although I have been reading SI for nearly a year). What has helped me is IC and reading here for insights and tools I can apply to my situation, and then wedging those insights into my brain-- e.g., that I had been harmed by trying to be emotionally close to someone who did not want to be close to me; i.e., rejection--that I needed to disengage for my emotional well being, and I am still working on letting go. When my sense of loss is triggered by a memory, I remind myself that much of her contact with me was manipulation under the guise of caring, and that I want nothing more to do with her. And then with an expletive or two, I find a little anger to help the process along.