Sorry you have to experience the crap that WSers love to do. I hated to hear and see my STBXWW's behaviors and thoughts when we were going through out false R. Just take care of yourself.
Take a look at this website:
Also, I am big into mindfulness as well. It has helped me immensely.
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."
I just want to ask you to PLEASE reach out to your family/friends for support and keep posting while your kids are gone. It's a hard time, I know, and some people get so lonely they don't think clearly. I made up my mind from day 1 that my children really needed me in their life as my best self thru all of this. The book really helped me see this clearly.
Sage advice from many will be to not fast track this to R. If you don't deal with WHY he cheated and HOW he allowed himself to cheat and just try to get back to "life previously in progress" the likelihood he will cheat again is very high.
It is called rugsweeping. Look it up in the Healing Library at the upper left hand corner.
I just want to reconcile and move forward. How do I do that when he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore?
You can't. You can't be the only person in the marriage trying to make it work. You can't nice him back, love him back, etc.
but it's like he's addicted to her
What makes you write this? Is he still seeing the OW?
There is no chance of a true R with the OW still in the picture.
When was your DDay?
Right now, just focus on you. Take a walk, go shopping. Do something for YOU.
We are here for you. Keep posting.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 11:39 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]
My H told me everything I wanted and needed to hear, but wouldn't leave the OW. He is even living with her. It DOES hurt, it is the absolute worst thing I have ever been through! But it DOES get better. It doesn't seem like it NOW and I didn't believe people (many on this site) that it said it WOULD. But it is. Each day I feel a little stronger. The NC helped me tremendously. I still want to contact him and it is hard as hell not to answer when it does find time away to contact me (which has been very little, btw) but I have done it. You can to.
My son left for 2 weeks and left me alone. Alone with your thoughts is NOT good right now. Find something, anything to do to keep you occupied! Whatever you do, don't just sit there doing nothing. I had to make myself do things but after I started doing them, I felt better.
I am still only 2 months into my nightmare and only a week with NC, so I am definitely NOT an expert. I just wanted to share with you what has worked for me in the last few weeks.
Why would you try? Get IC and try to realize how much you are willing to give up and how little you are willing to accept.
Stand up for yourself.
It is so hard but you are not showing him any consequences so he is continuing to cake-eat. Therefore, find your boundaries and your bitch boots and show him the consequences.
And then you can learn to fill up the hours of your life with...your life. Things that make you happy and give you meaning. If your identity is too enmeshed in being with him, you may have lost yourself. So, start finding who you are again and investing in your own happiness. What do you like to do? Read? Take walks? Sew? Cook? See friends? You have to get who you are as an individual back in order to heal and move forward--with or without him. Have you lost yourself in caring for others? How can you get yourself back?
[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 12:45 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]