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WH has creeped on this site. I am infuriated!!!

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mamajen00 posted 7/22/2014 07:46 AM

My WH has creeped on this site and read my postings. I am absolutely infuriated! I feel violated and have lost my sense of trust and stability. I am so angry right now, I could scream! It's 2:30 in the morning here. I am so upset. I can barely type. I've never told him about this site. A few weeks ago in MC I told the counselor that I have found great solace in an online forum. That's it. Never mentioned the website. I should have used a different user name. I'm an idiot. I never thought he would creep on the one place that I felt safe. I am so angry and disappointed with myself. How can I change my username? I feel so violated. Help!

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/22/2014 07:50 AM

Contact the administrators and they will lock your account and you cn stat a new one.

My STBXH did the same tthing. Just try and make sure he doesn't have a keylogger or a way of tracking you. I bought a new laptop he has not access to and then when you start agin think outside your normal box so if he gets on again he will not know who yo are.

I need the support I get from here weather I post or just read. Without SI I am nt sure where I would be

confused615 posted 7/22/2014 07:50 AM

Why did he search through all your posts? To figure out how to help you..and the marriage? Or was it to figure out how to pretend to be remorseful and stay a step ahead of you?

Im sorry. It's a terrible violation, on top of the betrayal and lies.


Lalagirl posted 7/22/2014 07:51 AM


Perhaps he should join SI and get some wise advice in the Wayward forum. Many agree not to read each other's posts, while some are okay with it.

I understand your anger, but perhaps him reading your posts can help him understand how much pain his A has caused you. How did he react to your posts?

Why are you disappointed in yourself? You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm so sorry.

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/22/2014 07:52 AM

I forgot to mention I understand the feeling of violation and anger.

tushnurse posted 7/22/2014 08:24 AM

I get you being furious. Especially in your situation. You were trying to play your cards close to your chest and he foiled that.
But does it really change anything?
He's still not remorseful.
He still is showing you who he is.
You are still planning on moving forward with D.

You can change your user name if and when you upgrade. When you do this choose something that he can't figure out is you.

This whole thing is painful and he doesn't get it.

OldSoul posted 7/22/2014 09:54 AM

Be wary that a key logger is being used on your computer. Is mighty coincidental that he found you here so quickly unless, he himself, was a poster in (WS?) and happened upon your posts by accident and figured it out. Could the MC have mentioned your use of an online site that led him to investigate?

spond posted 7/22/2014 10:00 AM

Do you clear your computer browsing history? He could have simply looked at your history.

I get how you feel violated, but maybe his intent wasn't malice.

You need to discuss this with him. Tell HIM how this made you feel and why. Tell him you don't want him to do it again.

PM the Mods.. I'm sure this isn't the first time they have come across this.

Dark Inertia posted 7/22/2014 10:26 AM

I am so sorry, that is terrible. I remember once a member's husband AND the OW looked at the member's posts on here together. It really is awful.

norabird posted 7/22/2014 11:34 AM


It's so hard to have an extra violation on top of everything else.

steppingup posted 7/22/2014 11:58 AM

Change your screen name, go covert. Something hard to recognize like ILIKEAPPLES

mamajen00 posted 7/22/2014 12:50 PM

Thanks for the support, everyone. I didn't sleep at all last night. I don't know how he found out about the site. But, regardless, it doesn't change the outcome. Thanks again!

Jrazz posted 7/22/2014 12:56 PM

It is so unfortunate when this site, and all that it stands for, gets violated by people who have no sense of integrity.


needfriendshere posted 7/22/2014 14:32 PM

This is such a, for lack of a better word, sacred place for those of us who are suffering from betrayal. It's where we can be brutally honest without any fear of repercussion. Yes, he has violated you. I would be so PISSED if my H did this. But don't let it stop you from coming here and getting the support you need. If he chooses to read your posts, so be it. Maybe it will give him a well-needed reality check.


sparkysable posted 7/22/2014 15:16 PM

How do you know that he found it and read it?

1Faith posted 7/22/2014 15:30 PM


How do you know he creeped? Did you confront him? What did he say?

My FWH looked at another site I was on before I found SI and my posts scared the sh*$% out of him.

He finally faced what I was really struggling with (or as least as much as he could)

I had written I think about leaving and he was scared and dismayed.

disappointed with myself

Please don't be upset with yourself. You've done nothing wrong.


[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:30 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

mamajen00 posted 7/22/2014 16:17 PM

He texted me and said, " I saw your post on your forum. Is there something you want to tell me?" I felt really violated. Oh well, it is what it is.

Jomarion posted 7/22/2014 16:27 PM

Sorry you are having to suffer this next violation of your life, having your boundaries violated again, and in a sneaky way.

I would be infuriated too.

1Faith posted 7/22/2014 16:36 PM

" I saw your post on your forum. Is there something you want to tell me?"

Hmm...feeling snarky here.

How about...

"Well, thank you for reaffirming that you lack integrity by trolling on my forum. It is sad that you put so much time and energy into such non productive activities. Hmm...seems to be a pattern for you.

There is so much I would like to tell you but you aren't worth my time. Was there something you wanted to tell me when you were running around with your *)&*!, breaking no contact and lying to your family? Nope, I didn't think so. Minus the )*&^, I will choose the same mute path."

What an assclown.

[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:39 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

lovesobroken posted 7/22/2014 16:42 PM

He also doesn't seem very bright. I would say 'if you read my forum, why do you need me to repeat anything?' Maybe he's scared you will tell the OWs parents or his parents because his image is so important. Don't let him change any of your actions. Hugs.

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