I see dates of April, June, July 2014 from y-all. Trust me. If you were not cycling up and down on the rollercoaster from hell, you would NOT be doing well. I know this doesn't feel like doing "well," it feels like being dragged from a truck over sharp stones. However, if you felt any other way right now, it would be because you were NOT processing the hideous truth of what happened to you, and you would be delaying your healing, thus extending the agony.
I know that I have the right to have all these emotions, but I feel horrible that my S is trying so hard to make this R successful and I can't go a day without thinking about what he did.
Bluntly, this is his burden to bear. His. Not yours. If you truly feel any good emotion for your WS right now, you will not try to rescue him. You will give him the dignity of learning how to be a man of integrity from this point on, by experiencing the full horrors of the brokenness that he has had to this point and be experiencing the sheer hellish consequences both you to, and to him, of what his choices have caused. You cannot "helicopter" him. Not if you want the possibility of a true partner and a true R to take place. Actions have consequences and that is a lesson that every WS must learn and absorb deeply into their souls. If they cannot learn, at a bare minimum, what harm their traitorous choices cause to their spouses, their families, and themselves, then there is no hope of any future contentment, let along happiness.
Your breaking down is a necessary part of your healing process too. Your brain, your psyche, can only handle so much at a time. Your breaking down is your mind processing the pain and trying to release it. Yeah, it's a royal PITA and embarrassing as hell to have to go cry in the bathroom, take a "smoke" break to cry in your car, have "allergies" for months on end. But it's your self trying to make sense of a senseless betrayal. One thing that helped me was, when I went to work and put away my sunglasses in the car to walk into the office, I also mentally put on my Debby The Administrator Persona. I created an ideal character who was a wiz-bang employee and I acted the part I faked it until I made it. If my world started to tilt, I asked what my character, Debbie, would do. And I went for it. Yeah, I cried, and I was SO glad to have a private office. But I managed to pull myself together enough to get through the horrible, ugly first days.
Hang in there, MF26, SP, H77. It's that old, shopworn truth. Time will help. Honestly be glad that you can feel. Keep walking forward. It will get better. There really is a light at the end of that damned tunnel. (((hugs)))