thanks LoveActually... that's why I'm here to vent a bit and not be just alone in my head
yah, I think now one of the saddest/funniest things I said to him was "well just please don't have an affair on me... I have no clue some days why you are sad but just come and talk to me is all I ask"
He'd just withdrawn to the MB to play some game on his Ipad I think... can't remember except I was kinda missing him and went to find him and ask how work was, if he was feeling OK. I'd put up with like 2 years of celibacy at that point and was just so frustrated on so many other levels but kept shoving it off given the age of the kids factor and so many other rationalizations
I guess I should be thankful it was his guilt that was pushing me away... still hurts he could perform with the blow-up doll and so that's who he chose to invest in since in his words "I was feeling bad or feeling nothing"
I know I can't go back in time but man some days I just wish for that re-do
anyhow = thanks for the reply"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
"The darkest night is dispelled by the humblest of flames."
WH is katumus and I am not reading his posts