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10 Common Lies Cheaters Tell Themselves

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steppingup posted 7/22/2014 14:02 PM

I found this helpful, pulled off affaircaredotcome.

1.I wonít get caught. This is probably the most absurd lie of them all but is truly the cornerstone of all the other lies. If this lie can be believed and swallowed, then the rest of them go down much easier. The truth is, you WILL get caught. Itís not a matter of if, but when. If the Director of the C.I.A. cannot conceal an affair, what makes you think you can?

2.No one will ever know. This lie is similar to the first but more in-depth in its scope. Not only will you not get caught but this is a secret you can take to your grave. After all, you have all your ďbasesĒ covered. All your alibis are solid. All your stories are straight. All your text messages deleted. All your emails erased. No one will EVER find out about it. You repeat this lie over and over until you believe it. The truth is, one day, EVERYONE will know, even if that knowledge occurs after youíre gone.

3.What they donít know, wonít hurt them. This lie makes a lot of sense to a cheater but few cheaters would want that logic applied to them. Would you want a merchant to overcharge you for a product without your knowledge? Or worse yet, would you want a doctor to not share the diagnosis of cancer with you? I mean, if you donít know the truth, it canít hurt you, right? The truth is, sometimes, what people donít know can destroy them.

4.Everybody is doing it. This is a common phenomenon in human behavior. Thieves think others are stealing because they are. In like manner, cheaters often assume others are being unfaithful because they are. Granted, adultery is rampant in our culture. But the truth is, NOT everyone is doing it. There are many faithful, loyal men and women out there Ė showing the rest of us what fidelity & commitment looks like.

5.Itís not that big of a deal. Downplay. Minimize. Reduce. Common tactics for someone who is playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded pistol. If itís not a big deal, then why all the lies? If itís not that big of a deal, why the secrecy? If itís not such a big deal, do it openly. The truth is, it IS a big deal and the knowledge of it will devastate everyone who knows you.

6.People already know and are ignoring it. Some of the lies sound crazy once you are living in the truth. This is one of them. There are times when you are convinced that everyone knows and they are turning a ďblind eyeĒ to your behavior. This is false anesthesia to the soul. The truth is, no one is condoning your actions. They truly donít knowÖyet.

7.God will forgive me. This is a case of spiritual gymnastics. The cheater has enough knowledge of God and His word to be deadly. Yes, God will forgive all sins except unbelief (Mark 3:28-29). However, this does not mean you should presume upon His grace or forgiveness (Romans 6:15). Even if God forgives you, it does not mean you will come out unscathed by His consequences (Proverbs 6:29). The consequences for such behavior are truly devastating for everyone in your life.

8.My spouse will forgive me. Maybe they will. Maybe they wonít. Is this the risky card you really want to play? Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. It does not mean you will be accepted back or restored to your previous position. Forgiveness may be quick but trust will take years. You are making some dangerous assumptions about someone you are hurting.

9.Iím not getting what I need. This may be true but cheating isnít the answer. Just because your employer does not pay what you ďneedĒ does not mean embezzling money is the answer to that dilemma. If you are not getting what you need, tell your spouse. Go to counseling. Meet with a therapist. Attend a support group. Talk to a friend. Though cheating may scratch your itch for a season, it wonít make the itch go away. There is a deeper itch beneath the surface that cheating cannot scratch. Commit to finding the proper solution for it.

10.Itís just a physical thing. Nope, wrong again. Itís an emotional thing. And a mental thing. And a spiritual thing. It may seem physical to you but your whole being is involved here (mind, body, spirit), not just one horny member of it.

StillStanding1 posted 7/22/2014 14:45 PM

*Standing up applauding* This just nails it.

ChangeMaker posted 7/22/2014 15:36 PM

"It's not wrong because I was not happy in my marriage"

1Faith posted 7/22/2014 15:54 PM

* My BS isn't in love with me anymore. He/she doesn't even like me so they won't care.

* I just need a friend. It is only someone that I know I can turn to that will understand me with no baggage or negative response.

* I want my marriage to be better.

lostcovenants posted 7/22/2014 16:15 PM

This are great!

I heard variations on this one alot:

9.Iím not getting what I need. This may be true but cheating isnít the answer. Just because your employer does not pay what you ďneedĒ does not mean embezzling money is the answer to that dilemma. If you are not getting what you need, tell your spouse. Go to counseling. Meet with a therapist. Attend a support group. Talk to a friend. Though cheating may scratch your itch for a season, it wonít make the itch go away. There is a deeper itch beneath the surface that cheating cannot scratch. Commit to finding the proper solution for it.

steppingup posted 7/22/2014 16:57 PM

* I want my marriage to be better.

Yeah, the sex got better when my WW was dorking the AP...she said she liked feeling sexy so she kept it up so we would have better sex,...


too bad I wasn't consulted on that executive decision.

1Faith posted 7/22/2014 17:14 PM

too bad I wasn't consulted on that executive decision

^^This...

I told my FWH

"oh I am sorry, I must have missed the memo that we could see other people."

ASININE

steppingup posted 7/22/2014 17:38 PM

"oh I am sorry, I must have missed the memo that we could see other people."

..its so sick it almost funny...when I ask my WW if it would be ok if I dorked some OW, the answer always comes back, NO!

atreides posted 7/22/2014 17:53 PM

Bravo!

Most important to this thread as stated above in so many words that i quote below which is indeed a huge excuse given:

"I want my marriage to be better." or "I was not happy in my marriage"


Here is the main point. Infidelity has nothing to do with marital or spousal problems, nothing. It is an internal issue the WS must resolve for allowing an addiction to overcome themselves. They have to evaluate their boundaries/methods of coping with all aspects of life. WS don't like to hear this usually, as they are not a "bad person" so the mantra goes. While true for the long term and as a whole; however, in the moment of an A they certainly are in many aspects of their life. I will add though how awesome it is to see WS come out of it and try their best to rectify their wrong, it's just not that common i guess.

After all if things were so bad in life, why do all affairs reside in the realm of lies, deceit and manipulation? Answer, affairs have nothing to do with marital or spousal issues.

[This message edited by atreides at 5:59 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

totalheartbreak posted 7/22/2014 17:59 PM

While spot on, every single one of these makes me feel sad.
How incredibly broken they must be to believe a single justification.

steppingup posted 7/23/2014 14:02 PM

While spot on, every single one of these makes me feel sad.
How incredibly broken they must be to believe a single justification.

Correct, these WS are not "well", something is wrong and is why it is not enough for rugsweeping and just saying "sorry I wont do it again", which is what most of us BS get on the first of many rounds of cheating.

If it was inherent in everyone, nobody would be a BS, everyone would be a WS, and there would be no marriage just Fucking and caring not for boundries and safety in relationships, in otherwords we would simply all be Tom Cats....

and Socitey would be in the toliet.

Branca posted 7/23/2014 23:10 PM

"It's only cheating if you have sex. If I'm not having sex, I'm not really cheating."

notyours posted 9/28/2014 21:08 PM

Stepping up, bump bump bump. ..SI, Where's the like button!

brkn_heartd posted 9/28/2014 22:11 PM

"I wanted someone else to think I looked hot. It didn't count because you did...you are my wife, you are supposed to say I am."

Love all of them!! What an amazing world they live in!

SpecialK posted 9/29/2014 07:47 AM

Wow!

MissedRedFlags posted 9/29/2014 09:14 AM

Great list

RealityBlows posted 9/29/2014 10:46 AM

"I am entitled...I bust my ass for this family and my husband...This is just a little something for me."

Ann2011 posted 9/29/2014 14:36 PM

I heard #1, #2, #3 and #5 yesterday!

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