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mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 14:58 PM

So, I'm in the process of switching my WW over to a new (my old) cell phone. She was downstairs with her blackberry and I was upstairs laying on the bed when I heard some alert noises from her "new" iphone. It was around 12:30 in the morning...

I checked it out and found a message there from a local real estate agent guy. I didn't get the start of the convo, I think she said something about us coming back from the beach, then I see him say "come see me" she says "where are you?" and he says "My office". Her response was to say "Wow. Sooo Late. lol. I wish I could but hubby would ask for a divorce if I leave at midnight while he is home. lol". His response was "lol hahaha".

She went on to ask where his wife was and he said "home".

Then, the part that pissed me off more than anything, she deleted and purged the thread from facebook. I was able to grab a couple screenshots but I missed the start and the end.

This morning she commented in private on a facebook post he had made. He posted a chinese cookie fortune about becoming popular.. and she added "in bed". She explained this is a game our family play where we read our fortune cookies out loud and add "in bed" (it's actually a blast, you should try it). His response was "LOL" and she hasn't sent him any FB messages since then.

I have her FB and email passwords as part of our R and our "openness". If this was a douchebag friend of her's "just flirting" then yes, I have an issue with that but her deleting the messages makes it 100 times worse.

On the other hand, she could be hooking up with the guy. The direct and familiar tone of his message makes me feel that is the case.

My current plan is to go into high alert and monitor everything again. If it hasn't progressed beyond sexting then I have no doubt I will hit her with the proverbial 2x4. On the other hand, if it is a full on affair this sh1t is going to get REAL. His wife is pregnant with their 4th or so kid and their facebook pages confirm all this. If he is banging my wife I will provide his wife with all the evidence and since he appears to be using his office for this, I feel obligated to alert his employer too... since their motto is about integrity, I'm sure he will get fired for it.

The worst part about all of this is that things have been going really well for our R. We are coming up in two days on our anniversary.

In retrospect, I now wonder who else she has slept with over the course of our marriage and am I married to a SLUT.

I won't be notifying by email since there is a chance she would see this but I will catch up in a few days.

healingroad posted 7/22/2014 15:01 PM

There's already plenty there for shit to get real. Unacceptable.

Razor posted 7/22/2014 15:06 PM

I hate to see shit like this when it comes up. Unfortunately its much too common here on SI.

Sometimes we are just forced to do what we dont want to do. And this seems to be one of those times mrcpu.

You know what you need to do even though you dont want to. I think you need to do it.

sorrowfulmate posted 7/22/2014 15:07 PM

this may or may not help:

craig2001 posted 7/22/2014 15:08 PM

If this was a douchebag friend of her's "just flirting" then yes, I have an issue with that but her deleting the messages makes it 100 times worse.
Who the hell gets a message at 12:30 am if it is not more than just flirting. He wanted her to go to his office.

And someone flirting doesn't just come out and say come to my office.

And someone just being flirted with doesn't say, her husband will divorce her if she leaves at midnight.

Your wife needs to get into therapy right away, seems she has no clue what reality is.

Keep watching very carefully. And I wouldn't be surprised if she makes an excuse for coming home late tonight and or not being where she is supposed to be today.

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:10 PM

There's already plenty there for shit to get real. Unacceptable.

We all know how these people are capable of lying and twisting the evidence. I need to gather a few more pieces because, if she is sleeping with him and plays it down as if it is "just sexting" she will go deeper underground and make it harder for me to catch her. On the other hand, if I find out that it is currently just at the sexting stage, I can deal with it accordingly.

I don't want to pull the trigger on a divorce over sexting. I've survived her full blown affair with my ex-BFF. It's just not worth the $2000 a month to take the chance if she isn't sleeping with him (yet?)

Then again, I may be in the "bargaining phase"

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:13 PM

sorrowful... I tried downloading her facebook profile that way but the messages aren't there. I've got an old cell phone logged into messenger as her and I'm keeping an eye on it.

Razor posted 7/22/2014 15:14 PM

Do you know who this guy is? or where his *office* is?

*office* you know could be a code word for something or someplace else.

GabyBaby posted 7/22/2014 15:16 PM

((( mrcpu )))

Even if she's "only" flirting, as a former (?) WW, she's still way out of line.

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:18 PM


I know.... My gut instincts are that it's NOT OK AT ALL.

I just need more than one chat to build a pattern.

FWIW I have GPS on her all the time HOWEVER I am often working while she has the day off. She could easily leave her phone at home and pop over to see him but since the kids are all home for the summer he isn't coming here.

Her MO with my xBFF was to go hiking in the woods with him. If I get some more evidence via text I may invest in a separate GPS tracker and plant it on MY car (that she drives). In addition I would leave for work in the morning but call in sick and camp out nearby with my laptop tethered to my cell phone.

With my xBFF I couldn't believe it would happen. There were a couple of times I drove by his place but I wasn't lucky enough to catch them. I won't make the same mistake with this guy.

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:20 PM

Razor I know exactly who he is and all about his family and work. His office in this case IS his office as he is a real estate agent and, based on what he said to her, he was working late, AND I see on his public posts that he subsequently closed a sale today.

JanaGreen posted 7/22/2014 15:21 PM

Fucking hell. I'm sorry mrcpu.

Razor posted 7/22/2014 15:23 PM

Real Estate guy....

OM worked in a tech job where my WW was the admin. That company has since closed down due to the economy.

Can you guess what OM does now?

Yup. Real Estate agent. Perfect occupation for a serial cheater.

StillStanding1 posted 7/22/2014 15:28 PM

So sorry, mrcpu. What a living nightmare.

I wish you luck and speed in proving or disproving this, so that you can move forward one way or another.

Strength to you...

Badhurt posted 7/22/2014 15:30 PM


Sorry to have to say this, but you already have caught them.
First of all she has already cheated which is why you are monitoring anything.
Who on earth calls a married woman at home at12:30 am , tells her to come meet him other than someone she is having an affair with
Her response of "I wish I could but my husband is home" is about as clear as my poor brain can comprehend that if you were not there she would have gone. Then the FB stuff
Come on!!!
You caught them red handed. You can exhaust yourself trying to deny it, but it's almost too brazen to be true to call your home at that time and invite your wife to come see him
That's not even cheating. It's beyond it

Ostrich80 posted 7/22/2014 15:30 PM

This sounds bad, just with what you have now.I'm sorry that you even have to be on high alert, sucks. I don't see how those messages can be misinterpreted as anything but confirming. She's up to no good I'm afraid. What a snake that om is , geez his poor wife.

stronger08 posted 7/22/2014 15:45 PM

I don't mean to add fuel to the fire but..... like criminals many WS commit multiple crimes long before they get caught. In my case I had suspicions of previous A behaviors by now XW. I just never had any proof but the signs were there. When I busted her in the A that led to D-day I asked if there were any others. Naturally she said no. After our D a person very close to my XWW confirmed to me that she indeed had a previous A. I also suspect 2 others that most likely happened as well. Not that it matters any longer in my case. But if I were you I'd be very, very suspicious here. At the very least its unacceptable behavior. And considering she is a confirmed WS its even worse. You claim you don't want to chuck your M because of an EA. But don't you realize that you cant R with an unremorseful WS ? This new revelation only cements the fact that she just don't get it and most likely does not care. If she is so blasť about inappropriate conversations with a different OM just think about what she is really trying to hide. Dude your pissing in the wind and getting all wet.

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:47 PM

Badhurt ... it was a fb chat message. I was able to intercept because fb was logged in as her on her old phone and her new phone and you get to see both sides of the convo in real time like that.

I'm moving her to my cell phone plan which has ME as the primary and better detailed billing. This might help me if she switches back and forth between text and FB.

mrcpu posted 7/22/2014 15:54 PM

Dude your pissing in the wind and getting all wet.

Lol.. wondered wtf that was!!!

Every minute that goes by that I'm still here is money in my pocket and, as far as my kids see, mom and dad are happy (she has been sweet as pie lately, now I know why).

I need to go get re-tested for STD's now too because I've been having some "weird feelings" in my junk. That may also be useful if it is the case that I have caught something from her since I was tested clean after her last affair.

Excuse me for a second.....


Ok, I'm back.

hardtimesinlife posted 7/22/2014 15:57 PM

Let's break this down:

then I see him say "come see me" she says "where are you?"
This shows that she knew he was serious with his question for her to visit. This also implies they have done this before. If it was just joking around her response would have been LOL or something similar. She knew that for him to invite her over at that late hour he wasn't at home or if he was at home his wife was away.

and he says "My office". Her response was to say "Wow. Sooo Late. lol. I wish I could but hubby would ask for a divorce if I leave at midnight while he is home. lol". His response was "lol hahaha".
This shows too much familiarity. I wish I could? That says she's done it before. If I Leave At Midnight WHILE he is home implies she's done it before when you aren't home.
She went on to ask where his wife was and he said "home".
She's aware that he is married and that he isn't going to risk his marriage, either.

None of this is OK. The deleting is just the icing on the cake. She deleted because there's no good way to gaslight this conversation so she didn't want you to see it.

I'm sorry mrcpu. She isn't in R with you. She needs help. I'm not saying it is a lost cause but she feels perfectly entitled to a little fun on the side as long as you don't find out.

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